Drinks Well With Others

Did you bitches miss me?

2006-09-27T23:51:00.000-04:00

I heard a nasty rumor the other day that I was dead. I am here to dispell the myth and assure everyone I am still alive and kicking.

I have been crazy busy. Work is super super nuts. My crazy Chinese assistant lady was moved then fired. I got a new temp who tried to file a complaint on me with the HR dept saying I told him what to do and made him feel bad. He is no longer allowed in the building at the same time as me otherwise I may hurt him. I posted my resume on Monster.com and started interviewing for other positions. My boss found out and had his wife call me to beg me to stay. I've been friends with my boss for years and he stooped so low as to have his wife plead with me on his behalf. She told me if I quit her husband would jump out a window. He has now changed everyone's shifts in the office to accomodate me. So I may stay for a while.

We saw quite a few concerts this summer. Bamboozled, 30 Seconds to Mars, Bon Jovi, Pearl Jam, Cinderella, Poison, Godsmack, Rob Zombie, Shinedown.

This weekend we'll be down in Baltimore partying.

And in 2 weeks we leave for Amsterdam, Brussels, and Paris.

I've been busy planning planes, hotels, trains, itineraries, tours, sightseeing trips all for 7 people. If this trip sucks the big one it's on me I planned the damn thing. But I'm thinking legal pot, lots of yummy European beer, prostitutes, chocolates, waffles, and great friends equals tremendously good times.

A Bit of Advice

2006-07-10T16:07:00.000-04:00

If you are ever going to slam into a concrete wall going about 65 mph make sure you're in a Volkswagen. I say this from personal experience. Diddy and I were on our way home from seeing 30 Seconds to Mars at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park,you've heard of the place it's where Bruce Springsteen played for years. Well, we got caught in a downpour going North on the Garden State Parkway going up the bridge to get back home. The car hydroplaned and diddy lost control. We were in the far left lane of a 5 lane highway and we did several 360's and slammed into the concrete divider. The car ended up sideways across the 2 far left lanes. Thankfully no one slammed into us. Of course the airbags deployed but we were able to walk away from the car without serious injuries. Some bruises, minor cuts and some really sore ribs. Diddy thanks the German folks for making the diddy ride so safe that even though it's completely totaled we are fine.

Oh yeah and the tow truck driver stole my camera. So if you ever get into an accident on the NJ Garden State Parkway or the NJ Turnpike be aware that the tow company who tows your car will steal everything they can get their hands on. That's so nice of them. I had the greatest pics of Jared Leto and his blue eye shadow on that camera. I elbowed my way up to the stage and had several hundred pics. Now some smelly tow truck driver who has no clue who Jared Leto is, has his pics. That sucks. I hope that tow truck driver slams into the same wall but in a Hyundai and is crushed to death upon impact.

I'm all growed up

2006-06-23T00:23:00.000-04:00

I have done it. I have done the unthinkable. Diddy and I are now living together.

Believe me folks this is a huge huge deal for me. Yes I understand it's part of life and everyone moves in with someone, gets married & that kind of thing, it's a big commitment for everyone. But for me to make a commitment is a big freaking deal. I can commit to putting permanent ink on my body, I can commit to killing my liver but committing to a serious relationship well I've never really done that before. I usually start getting hives whenever a boyfriend starts mentioning, living together, marriage, kids. Yep I am the exception to the female rule. I don't want to get married or have kids.

Oh yeah there was that time I did live with my fat & annoying ex-boyfriend for about 6 months before I threatened to set him on fire & kicked him out. He slept on my couch for like 3 months. But that wasn't serious it was quite comical.

Now diddy gets to see the real me. The crazy me that cleans until 4am, the crazy me that starts cooking huge meals for tomorrow's lunch and dinner at midnight, the crazy me that paints my porch at 2am because the paint was looking a bit blah. Now he must learn to love me for all my insanity. Ok ok so he already knew I was insane. You can't hide insanity forever.

So this is it. Patsy is all growed up now. Nah not really.

Oh wait did I mention I stopped drinking. Serious. I haven't had a drink in over 3 weeks. I have realized the errors of my ways. I found god and she said I shouldn't poison my liver any longer. Nah fuck that shit. I realized when I could no longer fit in any of my clothes, it was time to get serious. I have not given up drinking for good no no let's not be silly people. I have just stayed away from the empty calories of alcohol, began drinking water non-stop, cut out fast food, soda and late night eating when I come home from work. I throw some salad and fruit into my diet and presto I fit back into my clothes. But I have vowed now to stop there. I have always been much thinner than I am now so I'm going to continue the good eating habits and slowly work alcohol back into the mix. I mean really who could give up drinking in the summer. All the barbecues and concerts coming up, it's my duty to drink.

So you're all caught up. That's what's going on people.

Noise noise noise, smoking weed, smoking weed, doing coke, drinking beers, drinking beers beers beers

2006-05-22T22:36:00.000-04:00

Nope I'm not dead. I'm still alive, barely. I'm busy at work and all my free time is spent drinking and planning my vacations for the year. We had to change our Chicago trip to August since my sister will be visiting over 4th of July. But our other vacation, our pot smoking all out get wasted trip this fall is still on. Right now it's the 5 of us. Me, diddy, True Jersey Girl her hub and J( the guy with the puke in his goatee). The merry lads may join us as well. We'll be hitting Amsterdam, Brussels and Paris. If you've been to any of these places feel free to throw out suggestions. They are greatly appreciated. And if you have any tips on which coffee houses are the best, DO TELL.

Here We Go Again

2006-04-01T12:08:00.000-05:00

This was the longest fecking week ever! Thank goodness work is done,I can sit & relax,have a tasty beverage & blog. Let's see I actually got some stuff done this week. I got my nails done, I got a haircut which was so needed & I got my car washed. This sounds small but my lovely car had not been washed since October. Yeah it was nasty. The final straw was when there was a nacho stuck to my hood. Yeah a nacho, not a leaf not a dead bug but a nacho. How is that even possible?

This week Diddy's mom is back to pissing me off. The company I work for is very big in this area so pretty much everyone knows someone at my job. So diddy's mom goes out of her way to find people who know someone at my job just to ask if they know me. I have already told her I really don't appreciate her going up to people asking about me because I don't want freaks coming up to me at work.

Well, this week she strikes again. The other day some dirty long haired creepy boiler room dweller comes into my office. Ewww. I'm like yeah can I help you. He asked does your boyfriend's mom work at such & such a place. Here we go. I'm like umm sorry no. He's like are you sure because my wife works there & she had lunch with a friend & someone from another dept was at the table & our company came up & you have the same name & fit the description. Great. Now it's not like I think my life is so important that no one can know anything about it but I don't think it's diddy's mom's job to inform people about my life. I'm not friendly with this person at work for a reason. I don't want to be bothered. This is the problem she has a big mouth & loves to tell people everyone else's business. If I want people to know things about me they are people I'm friendly with & I tell them what I want them to know. Now there is some creepy maintenance guy who probably knows way too much about me thanks to diddy's mom.

I know I sound like a total bitch but you have to understand I don't really bother with anyone from my job. Yeah I bullshit with my guys & joke around but outside of work I don't associate with any of them. Because when things get back to work certain people try to use it against you. And people at my job, not in my dept, are total douchebags. I'm a female management person in a male dominated company mainly composed of union people. People are dying to get dirt on me so they can use it against me in a union hearing or when I have a problem with an employee & they want the issue to go away. Getting dirt on me is a bargaining chip & I'm not about to provide it to anybody. And now there is probably a whole dept that has a full dossier on me.

One night of no sleep and a wicked hangover

2006-03-22T01:45:00.000-05:00

Well, a weekend of drinking with friends could not have come at a better time. I was feeling shitty last week and was just letting everything go to hell. Then came St Patty's Day, I came home from work put my jammies on and got hammered. I woke up watched some tv, showered got dressed and headed over to True Jersey's house for a night of drink. We started around 6:30pm or so with the intention of having an early night. Why does this never work for us? Fast forward to 6:30am we're all still sitting at her bar drinking,laughing and bullshitting. Good fucking times. Oh yeah then fast forward again to 8am diddy and I sitting at a booth at the IHOP and I almost threw up on the table. With the whole missed night of sleep I ended up napping for 3 hours and had a wicked hangover that lasted until Monday. But it was so worth it.

We all discussed our trip to Europe in the fall. And it's now most definitely Amsterdam, Brussels( the city of beer) and Paris. True Jersey, her hub, diddy and I are going no matter what. Our friend J, who puked in his goatee at the Mellencamp show, has committed to going and he commits to nothing. Even the gays who are way too cool to travel with us are seriously considering the trip. And we pretty much all have agreed to smoke lots of pot. Then came the topic of shrooms. I like me some shrooms, but shrooms in a foreign country, I'll have to think about that some more. I have never really thought about going to Paris before it was always yeah it looks nice but I have no desire to go there. Now I'm super psyched about visiting there. One of the hotels we are looking at is 4 blocks from the Eiffel Tower. How awesome is that to get up look out your window and see that view. I am now totally into this trip. I cannot wait.

I have also almost convinced diddy that we need to go somewhere for our next vacation together in July. I just can't stay home on vacation I must travel. I originally thought San Antonio, but way too freaking hot. San Diego, ehh not so sure. Seattle nah I'm saving that for next year because I want to do the Alaskan cruise and I want to stay in Seattle a night or so then go to Vancouver and take the cruise from there. So where else is there to go. Someplace really cool that diddy and I both want to go to but have never been. Ah Chicago. It was so easy to convince him we need to go there and hang out for like 5 days. So now I will plan a trip to Chicago for the 4th of July week and finish planning our European drunken freak fest.

Now traveling is totally awesome and all. But getting to travel to really great places with your friends and having great times is what it's all about. I am beginning to come out of my funk by putting my energy into planning drinking vacations. Maybe this is what I should do with my life, I should start an online travel group where I only plan drunken vacations for people. If you plan on staying sober go to Expedia but if you want to puke in 7 different countries in 7 days call Patsy.

I'm in a Funk

2006-03-16T22:45:00.000-05:00

God I feel so well just blah lately. I have no desire to do anything at all. I'm usually a cleaning Nazi. Everything is scrubbed, orderly and perfect around my place. Not so much this week.

For instance we went down to Atlantic City to see Nine Inch Nails last weekend, well all the clothes I brought with me are still sitting in and around my overnight bag. Clothes are strewn all over my dressing room, things hanging out of the hamper. No laundry done this week at all. All my travel products are laying on the floor and all over my vanity. Ah my kitchen yikes. Dirty dishes piled up in the sink. Clean dishes washed last week still piled high in the dish drainer yet to be put away. My computer room has empty boxes from my catalog shopping all over the floor. The clock in here says it's 4:15 it's 10:30 I don't even feel like changing the damn battery and it's been like this all week. Tons of catalogs are piled on my desk and kitchen table. Mail still sitting from last week yet to be opened. Ed McMahon may owe me a Million $ and I don't even know it. I don't even care. I've been late for work everyday this week. Not just like 5 minutes late I'm talking 45 minutes or so everyday. I get out of bed and accomplish nothing all morning and I still I can't manage to get to work by 2pm. I was supposed to go to the doctor, get a haircut and get a manicure and pedicure this week. I've done none of these things. I should do laundry tomorrow but screw it I have enough clean undies to last another week. And besides my laundry bags are still filled with clean clothes I haven't put away from last week. I was supposed to start my diet this week. Argh who can diet when they are in a lazy funk. I would have no will power or desire to eat right. Geez exercise is truly out of the question. I'm pooped from just writing this damn post.

Any advice folks? What do you guys do when the world has you beat and you need to get up?

I liked it better when it was Patsy and 100 guys

2006-03-09T23:35:00.001-05:00

Wait that didn't sound right. Let me clarify a bit. I work with all men. I work in a male dominated industry & there are very few ladies. My office has been all male employees & me for years now. So they treat me like guy. Everyone always said I was lucky avoiding female drama at work.

So recently they added 2 other women to my office. 1st there is the idiot who answers my phones. She is currently on a medical leave of absence. She found some quack to say she is fatigued & needs a month to rest. So anyway she's sleeping with one of the supervisors in my office,a guy we all hate. Oh yeah he's married, he's on his 3rd wife(gee I wonder why) and has 5 kids. Nice. He keeps coming up to me telling me I give her too much work to do she needs more breaks. Oh yeah answering that phone is such hard physical labor, I'm a real slave driver. We all think her fatigue is pregnancy related, guess who's baby? Anyway while she's out we're trying to replace her much to the dismay of her ridiculous little boyfriend.

Then they added a female clerk to my dept. When I met her I thought she was cool as hell, she drinks, curses & watches hockey. Good enough for me. Then I found out she's a born again Christian. Are born agains supposed to drink and curse? I guess I can be a Jesus freak too then. I thought they were strict. She's really fucked up. Her ex husband is now married to her younger sister. She got thrown out of her mom's house Christmas Eve because she announced after 2 bottles of wine that her ex who is now her brother in law has a very small penis. She makes comments to my male employees like hey you look like you need a blow job but then gets angry if they take that as a come on.

So now my female clerk & my retarded assistant don't get along & are very catty with each other & try to drag me into their ridiculous squabbles. Unless someone is getting punched in the neck I could care less.

So as soon as the dumb whore went out on medical leave my clerk missed her drama, so she needed to stir some up. She shares her duties with a male employee. He carries the workload without a doubt, we all notice it. While she's busy yapping with every penis that walks by this guy is working away. So he had it out with her last week. He said she needs to start pulling her weight & doing all her work & that he wouldn't cover for her anymore. He went to my boss,explained the problem, he agreed & split the work more fairly. So she goes up to one of my colleagues & said that I started all this nonsense. I am bored because I have nothing else to do. I stayed out of the whole thing well because I could really care less. I told her co-worker to talk to my boss because I didn't want to get involved. But she will not say any of this to my face only behind my back. To my face she is as nice as can be.

This is why I don't like women. Now don't get me wrong not all women are douchebags like these 2. But when you work with men there is no drama. If I have an argument with a male co-worker we curse each other out, say our peace, the next day everything is fine. No hard feelings,no tears,no nonsense. But with women you have to be careful what you say & how you say it. Oh god it sucks. I've never been good with chicks. I'm a broad. I drink beer out of the bottle, I watch sports & I say dirty words that could make a truck driver blush.

So this week was like a vacation for me. My retarded whore assistant is out on sick leave & the Born again alcoholic slut clerk is on vacation for 2 weeks. And both of their replacements are men. Yeah it's back to Patsy just being one of the guys.

Folks just don't make no kind of sense

2006-02-28T23:35:00.000-05:00

I'm not talking about anyone one person in particular but I'm talking about our whole society overall. People have no respect for other people and are just fucking plain out rude. I will give you 2 very strange examples.

Example #1
I'm on the phone with this guy last Friday who is a small client so he doesn't get any special services from us because he spends very little money & gets basic services. Most companies treat everyone the same no matter how much you spend. Nope not my job, you spend alot you get some ass kissing, you spend shit we don't even have to pretend to be nice to you. Well to talk to this guy you would think he's Donald Trump and that out entire company depends on him and he could make or break us. So NOT the case. So he first talked to my co-worker who has an extremely heavy Spanish accent. After he insulted her a bit he hung up on her. Nice. He then called back later hoping she was gone and got wonderful me. He then proceeded to tell me that we shouldn't hire people like her because she doesn't speak English. So I politely explained we have many Spanish customers and we hire people of different nationalities because not only we're an equal opportunity company but in business today you need people who speak different languages to communicate with a wide range of customers who don't all speak English. Oh boy did he love that. He then ranted that none of my employees are Americans and my company will hire anyone, blah, blah and that he doesn't want to use our service since we hardly have any English speaking white people. Now I'm in no way pc or anything but this guy was just a straight out bigot & I don't really need to deal with that garbage. So I tell him I can no longer speak with him since he's speaking irrationally and being quite racist and we don't tolerate that. Well he then goes nuts and tells me I need to do whatever he tells me because he pays my salary and put the food on my table. Oh yeah great way to get oh my good side douchebag. So I explain he doesn't sign my check and if he was no longer a customer of ours that our business would be just fine. I hung up on him after wishing him a wonderful weekend. I'm so freaking nice, I can't stand it. He then calls Monday morning and speaks with my co-worker. He tells this guy he wants to complain about me because I'm rude, racist and I'm anti-gay. WHAT??? This guy must smoke crack. How did any of this conversation make me anti-gay. But you didn't even hear the best part yet. So my boss calls him & is like sir I was in the office for your converstation with Patsy and she didn't say anything racist or anti-gay. Then my boss asks how did I know he was gay over the phone. The guy then says he's not gay but he just assumed I was anti-gay.That doesn't even make sense, that was his whole argument, that I was anti gay because he said so. He said I was a racist because I didn't like white people I prefer to work with non-whites and non-English speaking people. My boss just laughed at this guy and is like sir we no longer want your business, please use our competitor. What the fuck was up with that?

Example #2
Many of my employees are out amongst the public all day. I had an employee call me tonight to tell me a customer pulled a kitchen knife out on him. Now he wasn't in the ghetto, it wasn't a crazy crack house, it was some old lady who lives in a semi-nice somewhat normal family kind of town. This lady wanted to use our service but decided she didn't wish to pay for it. Sorry granny that's how we make money. We come to your home, provide us a service and we collect payment. This lady claims to have made a deal with who knows who and said we would not charge her any money. Yeah ok. So my employee called me from the location and said this old lady was getting upset and have no intention on paying us. I told him to leave her house. The customer then ripped my guy's cell phone out of his hand and started cursing me out. Nice grandma, real fucking nice. She then threw the cell phone to the ground and started threatening this poor kid. I told him to make a fast getaway, knock her over if you have to was the last thing I said before I heard a commotion and the phone clicked off. At this point we're like oh crap should we call the cops. He then calls to say the old lady got a kitchen knife out and chased him out the door. Once he got outside he turned back to see her slashing things in her house and tore the place up pretty good. The guy called her a crazy old bitch and left.

Who acts like this? What the fuck is wrong with people? Is the Bush administration slipping things into the water to make people act like this? What the fuck?

What makes adults act like this? I want to know what parents teach their kids to act this way. These are not isolated incidents in anyway. Crazy shit like this happens all the time when you deal with the public. People just need to learn how to act.

There I'm done talking about the crazies.

Ignoring my blog due to my new Ipod obsession

2006-02-20T02:05:00.000-05:00

Thanks to those who have been truly worried about me. I'm doing much better. Since my trip to the ER, I've only had to go back to the doctor twice and have been on antibiotics for like a month. I'm feeling way better this past week or so. I guess my body is rejecting all this medication and has been wondering where all the booze has been. Because c'mon I have actual blood and oxygen circulating through my body minus all the alcohol, my body is rejecting the non-alcoholic levels of blood, I'm sure of it. Well, at least that's what I tell myself and I'm sticking to it. So to treat my body to what it truly wants and needs, I have starting drinking again. Ah, to hear the screams of my liver in the morning it's a beautiful thing. I haven't even tried to ease back in, I just jumped off the wagon head first and pretty much dove into a vat of alcohol.

This weekend we had a going away party for a friend, open bar. Needless to say True Jersey and I got wasted. We then finished the night by drinking back at her bar. I think we went to bed at like 9am. Her cousin went to bed then woke up to drive home to Boston and we were still up drinking when he left. Then we called him to see what state he was in a while later just to let him know we were still drinking and that he should come back and have another drink with us. Good fucking times.

We have the Nine Inch Nails concert in like 3 weeks I guess so we'll be trashed in Atlantic City that weekend as well. I am so looking forward to that drunken mess.

Oh yeah and diddy and I, are planning a fall trip to Amsterdam. I invited True her hub, our friend J, (you remember him he puked in his goatee) and the wicked awesome Boston cuz. Oh maybe I'll invite the other J, the whitest black man on Earth. Everyone wanted to know why I picked Amsterdam as my destination this year. Hello pot and prostitution are legal need I say more. Oh yeah I want to go to see the Anne Frank house. Yeah I'm flying like 8 hours to see an attic, sorry I'm not even lying, I'm going to get high. I'm sure there are tons of tremendous things to see. I want to go to the Amstel Brewery, a whole bunch of pot bars and to the red light district. Beyond that, I have clue what else the Dutch have to offer. If anyone knows of some historical type things to see there please let me know, because in order for True Jersey to convince her hub that we will do other things in Amsterdam besides smoke pot for a week, we have to offer him lots of sightseeing activities.

I do have to say this if the Amstel River is not actually a river flowing with beer I'm going to be pissed. Because I want to get high, eat some weird brownies then jump into a river made of beer. Now that would be a kick fucking ass vacation.

My Fun Day

2006-01-20T15:01:00.000-05:00

I'm home again from work today. Yeah me. The reason why is I got the pleasure of spending a fun day yesterday in the emergency room. What a waste of a day off of work. I had an appt at my doctor since I was still feeling run down and sick. After a 10 minute conversation he said I needed to go to the ER asap. He said I either had pneumonia or a heart condition. Oh boy. So I went and they did 6 hours worth of tests. I had an EKG done a heart monitor put on, chest xrays, a Cat scan an numerous other pictures taken of my body. I had so much blood taken, I'm at least 5 lbs lighter today. After 6 hours they could tell me not all the test results were back and that I have a severe upper respiratory infection and bronchitis that has not responded to numerous antibiotics and an unknown infection. So they set up an iv for antibiotics and wanted me to stay for observation. No freaking way. It was ice cold in there, totally weird smelling and my whole back was hanging out of that damn flimsy gown. What a hell of shitty day, I would have rather been at work. So now I'm on much stronger antibiotics and still feeling like crap. Oh yeah I forgot to mention when I overheard my doctor discussing blood results which I assumed were mine. They were trying to figure out why the liver enzymes were so elevated. I was like oh no they finally realized I've been punishing my liver for being evil all this time. I started to panic thinking that someone was about to come in and tell me I can't drink anymore. I think I got too worried because my heart monitor began to beep and the nurse came in to see if I was ok. No one made mention of my drinking so all is well.

The ER doctor said I should stay home from work for a week or two. Oh that would be nice. I called work and they were like rest up today Patsy, we'll see you on Monday. I politely explained I could have a doctors note in a second telling me to stay home, so I'll be back when I feel better. Retards.

Not much else going on. You know what I forgot to mention in my last post. Remember that total bitch I blogged about the one day everyone in the entire company hated her. I think I called her the c word. Well she quit right before Christmas. She quit like 3 days before my ex-boss did. They may have been 2 of the best Christmas gifts I have ever received.

My plan for today and the rest of the weekend,I'm going to lay around in my jammies and watch bad tv. Maybe I'll watch Lifetime all day and watch abused women shoot their good for nothing husbands.

Oh boy another weekend of no drinking. What do non-alcoholics do for fun anyway? I'm starting to go crazy being sober all the time. I think that's why I feel like shit because there is actual blood running through my veins with no alcohol in it. I though alcohol killed all infections. Silly me.

Yes, I am still alive

2006-01-14T04:08:00.000-05:00

I see many of you have been worried about me since I've been MIA for so long. I appreciate your concern. I've been very sick. I was sick since the beginning of December and I made myself much worse by working 50-60 hours right up until Christmas. Right after New Years I totally crapped out. I called out sick from work for a week. That is a big deal in itself, I haven't called out sick in like 7 years so people at work thought I was dying. Oh yeah and there was that rumor that I got alcohol poisoning again and couldn't make it into work. HaHa. I had some viral infection that then mutated an became a bacterial infection. I couldn't get out of bed for days. My doctor's exact diagnosis was that I was a mess, pretty much everything that could be wrong was. That sucked ass. So I've been heavily medicated and sober for like 2 weeks now. Needless to say Patsy is so not herself. I'm still not back to full health but I started drinking tonight, I have to go back to the doctor next week, so I'll be on more meds, so I must take advantage.

Here a few things that have been happening since I took to my sick bed. My retarded boss who I disliked so much quit 2 days before Christmas Eve. He called it early retirement, I say it was because he was about to start wearing only high heels and a pair of underwear to work everyday. So since I'm supposed to be switching jobs soon, they promoted a friend of mine to be my new boss. Many people think they did that to get me to stay at my current job. My new boss's only agenda is to get me to stay. He's the greatest guy ever so I may be staying where I'm at. We have a deal, he gets rid of the one broad I hate, I get to work 11am-7pm and I get that crazy Chinese lady to work with me everynight and finish up for me. If he pulls it off I'll stay. We'll see how it works out. Since I've been sick, I've been coming in late and leaving early. In the last 3 weeks I worked a total of 65 hours. 65, I normally put in 50 + a week, so this is a major treat.

What else has happened, let's see. True's annual Christmas bash was awesome as usual. I got hammered and I assume I embarrassed myself as well as a bunch of others. Christmas was great Santa was extra special good to me. I got the Ipod I needed so badly and have been spending most of my time off from work downloading music. I'm up to over 2000 songs so far and about 20 videos. Diddy got me everything I asked for plus a whole bunch of stuff, so I'm happy for now. New Years Eve I invited people to True's house and I got super wasted. Yes I invite people over to her house, it's totally a drunken Patsy and True tradition. We made Howlas which consist of Everclear(95% pure grain alcohol), vodka and pink lemonade. I poured a bit too much Everclear so we got a bit too hammered. Besides the jello shots, Tequila Rose shots, and Mike's limes we finished off many Howlas. I ended up projectile vomiting all over the bathroom. I thought I pretty much made the bowl and was pretty proud of myself until True let me know her hub found chunks all about the bowl. Sorry Deb, I thought I made it, but those drinks almost made me blind. Good fecking times.

We just made plans to go see Nine Inch Nails in Atlantic City in March. Ah you guys know from previous posts what good times we all have at concerts, I'm so looking forward to it.

I'm sure there are so many thing so say but it's after 4am and I need to go to bed. I'll be visiting everyone soon, in between downloading big haired 80's music from my past of course.

Lame Ass Excuse for a Christmas Party

2005-12-11T04:04:00.000-05:00

Ok tonight was diddy's friend's Christmas party. Notice how I'm sober enough to blog. (Ok so not really sober but who get home from a party the same night or before like 5am?) Do you want to know why? Because their party was lame and everyone left before midnight. Who the fuck leaves a party before midnight? Apparently everyone at a lame ass Christmas fucking party. I had to get wasted just to ease the pain of the evening.I'm staring at the clock watching everyone leave meaning all like 12 people who showed up, (Does that even count as a party,especially when all the people are really ugly) then I think about True Jersey's awesome parties. I mean come on she'll have more people show up to her kid's 2nd birthday party tomorrow than at this lame ass Christmas party. People will probably be more hammered as well. Ok as in people I mean mainly me I will be more hammered. I think at the poor kid's 1st birthday party I made some retarded drunken comment about pubic hair on camera. I'm so sorry Princess, but Aunt Patsy was drunk again and she can't control herself. You'll have to learn that sad lesson in life. Aunt Patsy will embarrass herself as well as you for as long a you know her. I apologize well in advance. When you get older and have a few drinks yourself you'll understand I hope.

But, back to True's party's, she is the drunken party master. Her parties are legendary. As in people come from several states away to drink with her. This is why we are drinking partners. The best drunks find each other. I would never miss one of her parties. It's like losing a leg maybe worse. I realized tonight how much cooler I am then the rest of he world, or at least diddy's fancy shmancy friends and their sober Stepford Wives. I so rock compared to them. They are lame and sober and I am drunk, hiccuping and oblivious. I don't care if I drive drunk and have no idea what's going on. As long as I look fabulous darlings. Is this mean of me? To not care for the little ugly people of the world? Ah who gives a fuck. You know what my drunk ass friends rock too, they are way cooler than everyone else. Screw the lame ass Stepford Wives of the world, cool drunk bitches rock.

We did 1 shot tonight. 1. That's it bitches. I don't even drink shots anymore and I can still do more than that on Tuesday night with Maury. Whatever. Let's get drunk bitches. I had to drive home hiccuping a storm from the lamo party. I dropped my grab bag gift in the street because I was hammered and I just had no clue. Oh yeah I left diddy's gift in the street and made him go back out to fetch it to be a douche. He was the one who made me drive home drunk from his lame ass party who cares he has the flu and is medicated. I don't drive. People do this for me. The Nerve.

Alrighty it's almost 4am and Princess's party is tomorrow afternoon so I must retire for the evening. Later bitches.

Strange Oriental Giggling

2005-12-03T02:38:00.000-05:00

I've been neglecting this freaking blog, I know. But just to update, there were no fist fights on Thanksgiving this year. Both of my brothers didn't show up. One in fear of getting beat up, the other in fear of being shamed by causing a family brawl. Although I did miss my nephew quizzing me on capitals of the world then laughing at me when I get them wrong. I think someone said he has assburgers syndrome I think that's the name of what he has although I'm not sure because well, I just don't pay attention to things like that because they don't concern me. Whatever he's a genius so when he makes a million bucks or cures cancer I'll be nice so he gives old Aunt Patsy $100 for beer. I mean how many kids have the pleasure of running through the house screaming Aunt Pats is throwing up again. I mean come on that's classic. He's been truly blessed to have me as an influence in his life. HeHe. Maybe that's why I don't see my brother or his kids much he tries to keep exposure to Aunt Pats to a minimum. Oh well, that's fine with me, little kids are sticky and they smell anyway.

So what's new what's going on. Let's see. Diddy wants the X-Box 360 for Christmas & I refuse to waste $1000 so he's going to be a pissed off little boy Christmas morning. I got roped into cooking Christmas dinner for diddy's mom and his step-dad. They have never been to my place & they are truly looking forward to it. I figure fuck it, It's Christmas I can be nice 1 freaking day out of this whole year. I have another assistant in work, she started this week. She's an older Philippine woman who just giggles all day. It drives me fucking nuts. She & the other broad really don't speak English very well so I just say what? all day long. It's so ridiculous all I can do is laugh. I'm starting to get done earlier & earlier everynight with the help of 2 people. Nice, it only took my boss like 3 months of me screaming & an extra $5000 in overtime before he realized I was over-worked. Thank fecking god because Christmas is our wicked retawded busy season. You know I so forgot about that. There was a drink in Key West called the Wicked Retawded Fatsy Patsy Rita. I stole the menu because it was a fucking cool ass drink name.

Not to be racial or anything but that weird Philippine lady keeps asking me if I like Chinese food & keeps asking me if we have an office Christmas party & wants to know if we have Chinese food at the party, then she giggles. What the fuck is that about? Everyone in work thinks I'm not on drugs because I just laugh all day, it's too much I can't help it. It's like a loony bin without the padding on the walls. She brings me gifts everyday. It's freaky. She thinks if she kisses my ass I'll keep her around after Christmas. I'm hoping to be gone to my Tuesday - Saturday job by then she can have my shit eating job. She can eat all the Chinese food she wants & giggle up a fucking storm after I leave I can care less.

I asked for an Ipod for Christmas, Santa better fucking bring me one if he knows what's good for him. I didn't really ask for anything else just some perfume but I'll get a million other things because I'm spoiled. I haven't really started Christmas shopping, is that bad? Usually I'm done by now, usually I have all my shit already wrapped. I'm fucked this year. I did decorate though. I'm done at home & work. I just need to get my tree. I may get one tomorrow just because I can't wait. I love the smell of a real tree in the house. This stems back to my mom Satan who never allowed a real tree in the house because she was sure it would catch on fire & we would be homeless. I've had a real tree every year since I lived on my own & I've never even had a tree come close to even drying out. She's just insane & deprived me of a real tree since birth. Horrible old sea hag of a woman.

Yeah Yeah I know I'm fucking awful, but what can you do. I'm too funny & adorable to hate. As always December is super busy. Diddy's friends are having a Christmas party next weekend, they are fancy people they'll probably have wine and cheese. God that will suck. Then that Sunday is True Jersey Girls's daughter's 2nd B-day. Princess is truly adorable & probably the only baby that doesn't smell according to me. She's a cool bebe. She and diddy are dating. It's a weird arrangement but she & diddy are so close in age I allow it. Then the following Saturday is True's annual Christmas drinking bash. It's so worth waiting a year for. She throws a tremendous party, I must say.

I love Christmas, I refuse to let all this materialism ruin it for me. Perhaps I'll hand make everyone's gifts this year. Or fuck it, give everyone booze and cash. I think that is the true Christmas spirit.

A Day to Give Thanks or Something

2005-11-24T13:51:00.000-05:00

Well, the holidays are here please someone save me. Is is really time already for all this insanity? This is how my Thanksgiving will go. We're going to my oldest sister's house. She puts on a fabulous spread. She's an excellent cook as well as a fabulous baker. She makes all her pies and goodies from scratch. I think that whole cooking, baking thing skipped me. My sister could be a chef, my oldest brother does pastry catering and his stuff is to die for then there's me, Box of Shop Rite cookies anyone.

So my sister will make enough food for like 50 people yet it will only be a small gathering. My sister, her husband & my nephew the Meathead will be there. My brother & his partner. And my other brother,the Republican, his wife and 3 sons. Then it's me & diddy.

This will be the dinner conversation. My oldest brother who loves to argue with everyone will keep bringing up politics and war. He will whip the table up into a frenzy and even get my nephews all riled up and ready to fight. They're 9, 6 and 4. My Republican brother will eventually storm out of the room before he beats my liberal brother to death. Did I mention the Republican is a cop and carries a gun, so it's best he leaves the room and goes to watch football in the bar in the basement. His wife will sit there idly staring into space un-phased while the rest of stare intently at our plates shoveling food into our mouths so not to get involved. My liberal brother will then focus in on my 9 year old nephew. He's not any 9 year old he's some type of insane genius. I'm not joking. He has been diagnosed with some type of slight autism and some other clinical names I'm not sure of. He speaks and you can have a conversation with him so he's more social than Rain Man. Yet once you start talking to him you feel stupid. He reads encyclopedias for fun. He has a photographic memory and knows pretty much everything. He is math wiz. He can give you perfect directions anywhere in the United States. So he asks you questions about history or geography and if you don't know or you answer wrong he gives you that look like what a fucking dumbass. I can hold my own with this kid for now. He's in his history phase and lucky enough for me I was a history major. But when he moves on to say astrophysics we'll have nothing to talk about. So my oldest brother starts trying to teach my nephew the real history of the world not the stuff you learn in government textbooks. Oh boy this is where it starts. My brother thinks we are taught the wrong things in school and tries to teach my nephew about genocide and war. He's 9 he can't handle that stuff. He ends up getting all upset thinking about war and death and he can't sleep for days. He makes himself sick he'll probably have a ulcer by 10 at this rate. So my Republican brother tries to explain that his son is not emotionally capable of handling such discussions. My other brother never listens then there is an almost fight that has to be broken up and it's tension all around after that. My brother in law will be wasted on home made wine by this time. My sister will be making home made whipped cream just to stay away. And diddy and I will be watching football in the basement while getting drunk.

All I can say is thank god my mom is still in Florida you have no idea what type of holiday misery this woman can inflict. Did I mention she's moving back to Jersey. Yep she found a condo in the town where I grew up. That's too close for me I may have to move. You'll hear more about that soon. Hope everyone has a better Thanksgiving than me. Hopefully no punches will be thrown. Gobble Gobble.

Highlights of My Trip

2005-11-18T02:23:00.000-05:00

Ok this is how my trip to Key West was. I had to wake up at 4:30am to make my flight to Miami. That sucked ass. We got bumped up to 1st class. That was nice. We arrived in Key West around noon. Of course our hotel room wasn't ready yet so we had to go to the pool bar to drink. Diddy and I spent the afternoon getting hammered. True, her hub and J appeared several hours later and needed to catch up to us. Most of this day and night were a blur so I can't tell you anything else I don't remember. We went down to see the sunset and Diddy and J shared an intimate moment over frozen drinks.
On to the next day. I woke up and rolled out to the pool. They had a nice big deck for tanning so I laid my fat ass out in the sun and baked. Diddy and I lounged in the sun by the pool all day while the others went sight seeing. I just wanted to see the pool and the bar and I did. Believe me. I know I got really hammered Sunday night. We went snorkeling on Monday and I was hung the fuck over. True and I were the only ones that didn't get sick on the catamaran. The water was a bit choppy. Diddy threw up in the water, off the side of the boat, on the deck, and in the bathroom. Here he is sleeping on the deck after a rough day. I think the empty beer pitcher was a nice touch. I made a new friend. I named my Monkey head Lt Dan. Because I love Forrest Gump and I love Gary Sinise and I was really drunk.

I think this guy squeezed True's ass and got a $1 for a joke.

This is some freak's house. I think they just decorate it like that all year long. Nice.
We wandered around the cemetery on a very hot and humid day for what seemed like 6 hours to find this headstone.

In reality we walked around there for like 45 minutes but there was no frozen drink stand so it seemed alot longer to me.
I think that says it all.
Aww aren't we an adorable couple?

This poopy wore boxer shorts and took $1 bills from you and brought them back to his freaky owner who played the guitar.

I wish I could have made my hair big like the old days and tried out for Miss Aquanette. I think a drag queen may have won.

Of course I took a picture of my tat at the bar. Here I am at the Flying Monkey with the greatest drink ever the Howler. It had pink lemondade, vodka and pure grain alcohol. Yum Yum Delish.
Look Diddy is Bad.

The famous Key West sunset.

That's about it. We had a great trip. The weather was great, I got a nice tan and I got really drunk for 6 straight days. Now that's a vacation.

I'm Back

2005-11-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

You are Snoopy!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love Snoopy. Who knew I loved him because I am him?

Key West was great but I've been sick since I came home. Going from 85 degrees and humid to 40 degrees and sucky will do that to you I guess. I'll try to give everyone a full update with pics as soon as I can. I haven't even looked at my camera since I unpacked it. Being back to work is great. I was only there until midnight last night. Hooray for Patsy welcome back to reality.

I'm Out of Here

2005-11-03T22:40:00.000-05:00

Well it's almost time for Key West folks. I so need this vacation. We were all worried for a while that the Keys weren't going to be in any shape for our visit, but after some worry-filled days, it seems all is back to normal. Last week True and J tell me they want to change out trip to San Diego since Key West was flooded and had no electricity. So after I spend hours trying to find a hotel and a flight then tell me that's no good we're going to San Antonio. Fine I've always wanted to go to San Diego or San Antonio so let's do it. Then after another several hours of researching I'm told there are only 2 seats available for the flight to Texas and there are 3 of them so we're screwed. I decided at that point I was going to Key West no matter what. The next day I got up and called the hotel and several bars on Duval St. They were all open and undamaged. They had their electricity back so they had food and cold beer. Enough said, I'm there.

I plan on drinking and relaxing on this trip. True's hub who is the Nazi tour guide from hell is not allowed to plan any excursions. We all got together when we booked this and I made it clear this is a drinking vacation. Everyone agreed. See last year when we went to San Fran True's hub made us see every single damn thing there. I mean we had no rest at all. We must have walked up every damn giant fricking hill in that crazy city. And when we went out for lunch or dinner and we ordered drinks we all got dirty looks from him because it was a sight-seeing vacation not a drinking vacation. Fine. I can sight see while drinking, I do it all the time in Nawlins and Vegas where you can walk around with a beer. Well, I plan on not really seeing anything this trip, if I do see anything it will be through a drunken haze. Is is wrong to waste diddy's hard earned money that he spent on my trip and be drunk the whole time? Nah I don't think so either, who do you think is paying to get me drunk the whole time? I hope diddy broke open his piggy jar for this.

Well, I have to go and finish packing. I'm off tomorrow but I have to get my nails and toes done and go tanning so I really won't be around. Sorry I've been too busy to stop by everyone's blogs lately. I'll try to be better when I come back. I miss you all already, behave while I'm gone.

Drunk and Stupid in Virginia

2005-10-31T11:17:00.000-05:00

Well this weekend was the infamous wedding. True's cousin got married. I was invited because True's family has adopted me. Of yeah and there was that time in Vegas when me the groom and our friend J picked up that stripper/hooker and we've shared a special bond ever since. J was there this weekend also he stayed with me and diddy and yes we did try to pick up a hooker for old times sake. I think there was an oriental hooker at the reception.

Of course they got married in Virginia so we had to drive for like 4 freaking hours to get there. They were married in the fabulous town of Arlington. If you live there shoot yourself now. That places sucks. We couldn't find real food or cheap beer anywhere. Who the fuck runs that place? I say burn it down and start all over again.

Anywho we drove down Friday morning and got there in plenty of time to start drinking. By late Friday night after the groom fought with the hotel staff to keep the bar open longer just for our party and we had security call our room to keep it down it got a little ugly. We bought lots of beer with us, of course we did we're drunks we know better. You need to bring your own coolers full of beer to a wedding, or do only Jersey people know this? I got a little bit out of control and challenged some guy to a streetfight. Why? I have no idea, I was fucking wasted. We also managed to chase away 2 other guys in the wedding party. Yeah the best man left, I think we made him cry. So it turns out the guy I challenged to a fist fight is an ex-Marine. I think I still could have taken him, I mean come on you learn how to fight in like 1st grade when you live in Jersey. Well, we got tossed out of another room and that guy had to go to the front desk to beg them to let him stay, since he was in the wedding the next day and all. So True came back to our room and we drank until like 5:30 am or so. We were planning on going into DC in the afternoon for some sight seeing and all but we got up around 2:30pm and just took lots of aspirin until it was time for the wedding.

Time for the wedding. Ah did I forget to mention that this was a Marine wedding, so there was lots of swords about. Thank god that guy who I was going to fight didn't have a sword. But he was an usher and sat us on the wrong side of the room, on purpose, what a douche. We drank the bar out of beer. There was pretty much no alcohol left at the bar when the wedding was done. The cousins all went up for a shot but there was nothing left. Good fucking times.

We ended up back in the hotel bar which closed at midnight. Oh yeah the groom had it written in the contract that they had to stay open until 2am to accommodate us. Then with daylight savings we got another hour of drinking. No way could we drink as much as the night before and survive the 4 hour drive home. So we stopped drinking at a reasonable hour, I guess it was 3am when the bar closed and I didn't take up that strange hillbilly girl on her offer to join her in her room to share a bottle of amaretto. That was really weird. I'm not sure if anyone had any partying left in them.

So all in all it was a good weekend.

A New Job For Patsy

2005-10-25T00:26:00.000-04:00

I'm being sought after for a new job. Bad news the job is Tuesday to Saturday. It's still with my same company it's just in another building. My hours would be 12:30 to 8:30-9pm Tuesday to Friday then the sucky part is 8:30am-6:30pm on Saturday. I balked at this but they want to negotiate the hours with me. The Saturday hours depend, 6:30 is the latest I would ever work. I could be done by 5pm. Currently my hours are 1:30-11:30pm so this is a step in the right direction. So it's like a 40-45 hour work week. I am currently working 50 hours.

A buddy of mine currently holds the position, he's sliding over to the 10am start so we'd work together. Which is great because I'd finally get to work with an intelligent human being after all these years. Oh yeah and my new boss is an old drinking buddy of mine. See it pays to be a drunk. Friendships formed on alcohol really do pay off. If we didn't hang out and get drunk he wouldn't realize how truly insane I am and wouldn't want me to work for him. He said he needs someone who is tough, has some balls and has a fucking clue. What a compliment.

The greatest part about this job is I would only have 1 responsibility. Just 1 not hundreds as I currently do. When he first mentioned it to me, I was like I have to work Saturday, damn. But I have found out Saturdays are super dead since every other operation is closed. It's really quiet, no one around to bug you. I can wear jeans, which is normally so not allowed ever.

They made a formal request for me today. They called my boss and he asked to have a meeting with me. He knows I would love to leave but realizes working Saturday may not be for me. He let me know that everyone who has worked this job has been promoted after doing it for like a year or so. There is much more opportunity for me in that dept than in my current one. He said he won't try to hold me in my current job as numerous former bosses have. He thinks I need to go on to better things. He said it's time for me to leave it would be good for me. I have worked in my current office for 11 years I've spent most of my career in this office. I'm a creature of habit what will I do in a foreign place?

I'll have to decide if I really could get up and be at work by 8:30am on a Saturday that may be the deal breaker. Oh well I have other worries right now.

I'm still hoping Key West dries out and gets some electricity in the next week and a half. Otherwise I'll have to sleep on the beach and drink warm beer. Yeah like I've never done that before.

Damn Hurricanes

2005-10-23T23:41:00.000-04:00

Now normally hurricanes don't affect me since I live in Jersey and all. We get snow maybe a little flooding but never hurricanes or tornadoes. Damn this Wilma she is killing me. We're leaving for Key West in less than 2 weeks. What will I do if the bars are flooded or destroyed? I mean the damn travel agency has a hurricane policy so you don't lose your money and all but who cares about that? I didn't even pay for the damn trip, I just am so psyched to be leaving in less than 2 weeks for a major drinking vacation with my friends. We have True's cousin's wedding next weekend. So how awesome is that. A full weekend of drunken wedding madness with friends then leaving the next Saturday for 6 glorious drunken days. Key West hasn't been hit by a direct hit from a hurricane in 86 years. But of course 2 weeks before I leave for my 1st ever visit to this wonderful drunken paradise a hurricane which is super late in the season hits. We picked November on purpose people to avoid all this nonsense.

So needless to say I'll be glued to CNN all damn night watching. I have already seen images of flooded streets. I'm having flashbacks to that hillbilly ho-down wedding.

Oh God I need a drink. Hold on. Ok I have a drink now things seem a little better. Did I mention I'm thinking of changing beers. Yes it hit me the other day in the liquor store I should go back to Killian's Irish Red, not only is it yummy it's domestic. It's made by Coors Brewing, I'm all for supporting American Breweries, that's my idea of supporting our economy. Believe me I drink enough all the money I spend on beer keeps our damn economy afloat. So not only is it yum yum delish, made in the good old USA, it's only $10.99 for a 12 pack. This is financially correct as far as I'm concerned. I'm done with fancy shmancy beers costing $7.99 a six pack. I am going back to my roots.

Oh yeah my mom called yesterday to say she's coming home for a visit. She gets here 2 days before I leave for Key West and she leaves a day after I come home. So do you now see why I so desperately need Key West to be ok. I need to be in the state of Florida while my mom is in Jersey. How funny is that she comes to Jersey and I go on vacation to her state while she's here. That is just divine intervention as far as I'm concerned. The really bad news about her visit, she's looking at real estate. That means she's truly serious about moving back home. God damn it. It's not that I don't like the old woman it's just that we get along so much better when she lives 1500 miles away is all. The only good part about her looking at real estate is that she's looking to move back to my old hometown near my oldest sister. HaHa My sister pretty much feels the same way about my mom as I do.

I Bet You Thought I was Dead

2005-10-17T00:15:00.000-04:00

No, no folks I'm not dead and I didn't go to jail for hurting any of my co-workers. I have just been working a lot. I ended up going to work the other day after I blogged. They promised they would help so I wouldn't have to stay all night, I still worked 9 1/2 hours that day. But I don't care anymore. I've adopted a new attitude. I got paid the other day and it included the ot I was bitching about working last month. No wonder why they never offer me overtime, I get like $45 and hour. Fuck yeah bitches. Patsy is buying herself some expensive presents. I decided I need an IPod, Diddy said to wait he'll buy me the new video one for Christmas. I love you Diddy. Thanks for realizing I'm so worth all the expensive gifts you get me. So I figure why scream and yell about working all these ridiculous hours, they don't listen anyway. But when my boss's boss sees what they're paying me, shit will hit the fan and Patsy can go back to being home by 10 everynight. Don't get me wrong it's not like I don't enjoy getting a huge paycheck, but that place sucks. I'd rather just get my regular salary and be there the least amount of time humanly possible.

So with all the added stress in my life I've been drinking again. One of my employees got me a case of beer on Friday because he said I looked like I needed it. Who am I to argue, it's free beer. My favorite kid of beer the kind I didn't have to pay for. It was even my brand Yuengling. Yummy.

Well, part of my overtime money will have to go towards purchasing new shoes. That damn white trash bash of a wedding destroyed my suede heels. I don't wear heels often, I broke my ankle, quite badly might I add, as a kid and I can't take heels for very long. So I have one pair for winter dress up affairs. I thought I had another pair somewhere in one of my closets, but that might take years to find. I have hundreds of pairs of shoes, all in boxes taking up an entire closet. Yes I know it's a sickness. But that's summer and winter shoes all together, imagine if I could stand wearing heels, I might have thousands of pairs of shoes.

Well, that's all I got. I figured I'd just let you all know I didn't go out and kill anyone just yet.

I'm now drinking before work

2005-10-12T13:25:00.000-04:00

I'm supposed to be in work in 17 minutes. I'm still in my bathrobe. I got like 3 hours sleep last night and I have chest pains. Everytime I think about going into work I want to cry. So I called my office and said I needed a personal day. 3 different supervisors got on the phone. I think calling out when you're having a nervous breakdown should be easier. I shouldn't have to justify my meltdown to 3 different people. There is no such thing as calling out at my job. It's not acceptable. Well, for everyone else it is. The morning guy calls out all the time but oh no Patsy is dependable she hasn't called out in like 9 years. I schedule any days off months in advance and they usually ask me to change or cancel those days off when it comes time. I'm drinking. It's now 1:18pm and I have a drink, this is how alcoholism starts. These people are trying to kill me.

One of the supervisors is a really good friend of mine,he's the guy who has been staying to help me so I don't end up working until like 2am. He didn't even mention today that if I don't show up he will have to stay all night he's been there since 6:30am, that just doesn't seem fair. He said please come in he'll stay with me all night until I go home. This is what will end up happening. I'll go in and I'll have more help than I'll ever need when I don't really need it. Once I start to get busy at like 5pm most of the guys will go home. Only the 1 guy will stay and then by like 7:30pm I'll feel bad he's been there 13 hours and fight with him until he goes home. I will then be left with a insurmountable pile of work that will take me until 11:30 to finish again if I'm lucky. And this will all happen again tomorrow.

I'm Slowly Losing My Mind

2005-10-12T00:35:00.000-04:00

Ok like my weekend wasn't bad enough with that horrible wet wedding my work week has begun as an absolute nightmare. I have already worked 20 and 1/2 hours in 2 days. This is starting to get stupid. As fucked up as my office is in all the turmoil of consolidation and such they made me come in early yesterday for a training class. I'm trying to tell people I'm working until 10:30-11pm everynight as it is, I really don't want to start at 12:30 in the afternoon and finish at 11pm I would like to go home at some point in time. Nope they said I need to attend class. There was only 1 other supervisor from the entire building who showed up besides me so the class a total joke. I ended up teaching the class because the instructor had no clue and I wanted to get the feck out of there. I ended going home at 11pm, ah delightful 10 and 1/2 hour day. Fuckers, I hate that shithole.

So today I almost walked out. I had my purse and my lunchbag and was heading out the door when one of my co-workers grabbed me. He begged me to stay and only because he will end up working 16 hour days to cover my shift did I stay. I decided that I'm going to go the HR dept to complain about excessive work. My manager is on vacation and the guy covering begged me to wait until next week to complain. But like it's not bad enough already the stupid bitch who is helping me left and hour and a half early today. One of the other guys who does my job when I'm off stayed late to help me catch up. Gee I left work at 11:25pm tonight. I've started to get creative on my timecard, if you work more than 8 hours you must comment why, so I've been writing way too much work for 1 person to do in 8 hours, I'm not a superhero, I need help. I'm thinking this may get some attention and someone might realize I'm having a breakdown. Whatever pills I was taking before no longer work, there is no way to reduce my current amount of stress. I need prescriptions, I need real drugs. I'm going to start drinking during the week. This is bad, I hate everyone. Everyone at work is now afraid of me, my clerk keeps checking on me to make sure I don't have any sharp objects. It's not even our busy season, that's coming up soon. I think I may hurt someone by then.

On a lighter note I have gotten another new clerk at night and he has 1 regular hand and his other hand looks like a midget's hand. He has stumpy little sausage fingers. It's mesmerizing, I can't help but look at it. I wonder how you type with a weird midget hand, I can't watch it, I just can't.

With Great Reason I Fell off the Wagon

2005-10-09T23:55:00.000-04:00

Well, we all knew this day would come. I know everyone fully expected me to take up the drink again. I had a damn wedding this weekend, how was I supposed to stay sober? But this wasn't just any wedding boys and girls oh no this was a hillbilly white trash ho-down complete with hay. I had to drink just so I wouldn't hurt anyone. You think I'm fucking with you. Just look at this That's the floor of the wedding reception

That's right bitches it was outside under a tent in a monsoon. They rented some land and put up a damn tent and gave no thought to what will we do if it rains. The tent ended up getting flooded and the dj left early in fear of being electrocuted. There was no dry land to be had anywhere.

This bridesmaid was the only one who planned ahead.

The whole ride up, it was an hour and a half away from here by the freaking way, True Jersey and I worried that perhaps there was no open bar. They had beer, so white trash in fact the groom went out before the wedding and bought cases himself so his guests had alcohol. I think he knew it would get ugly if we were sober. Oh so trashy, who serves cans of beer. EeeGads man spend the extra $5 for the case of bottles.

What white trash affair would be complete without the crazy mountain man. His woman was all dressed up too in a patchquilt ensemble and clogs.

The ground was so muddy and flooded worms started to come out of the mud right at our feet. Fucking nasty.

This was the muck we were forced to sit in. That's True's lovely shoe being destroyed by rising flood waters. They put hay down to absorb the water, I think it just added to the decor.
Look at the bride by time they cut the cake, she looked like she was rolling in the mud all day.
Oh wait I forgot to mention the best part. Since it's an outdoor wedding where did you think we would pee. That's right porto potties.

And in order to get to the very far porto potties you had to walk up a hill in the mud. They were nice enough to put down planks of wood covered in blankets so you could walk up the hill. The planks just served as a way for the water to filter directly down into the already flooded tent, they were slip and slides before we even arrived. You had to walk up the hill in the mud while carrying an umbrella to pee. Oh yeah and the porto potties leaked, they had little skylights in them where the water poured down on you as you tried to hover.

Now this was probably the worst wedding in the history of all weddings. I have never been to an affair which was so poorly planned. I mean I have been to keggars that had better plans in case of a rain disaster. They obviously didn't have a gay man as their wedding planner otherwise this would have never have happened.

I Picked a Terrible Time to Give Up the Drink

2005-10-06T00:07:00.000-04:00

Oh boy I couldn't have picked a more inopportune time to stop drinking. I've had the most horrible week of work ever and it's only Wednesday. I didn't go into work on Saturday like they asked but I realized as soon as I walked in on Monday that I should have. Everything was all fucked up. The guy who volunteered to work Saturday had no clue what to do and most of the equipment was not ready on Monday morning when everyone came in. So much of it was left in disarray until Patsy got there to set it all up correctly. Gee I've been working lovely 10 hour days. And not my usual, have time to bullshit, read 5 chapters of my book kind of days. No it's 10 hours of pure work eat dinner at my desk kinda crap.

They have given me a girl to assist me with all my extra work since the consolidation and guess what she barely speaks English. So everyone is calling my office and this nitwit is answering and no one can understand her. All day Monday she kept telling people they had the wrong number or to call back later. I was sitting there and I was like no wait I need to talk to her, no don't hang up that's a million dollar account, no that's my name they're asking for me don't tell them I don't work here anymore. She has no phone skills at all and her main job is to answer the phones for me. And the best part of this is she's only part time and leaves before I get super busy. She leaves like 3 1/2 hours after I get there so I have no help when I truly need it. Oh yeah when I walked into my office she was sitting at my workspace all cozy. The morning supervisor and I have shared an office for the past 10 years. He has his side of the office and I have mine. They added a 3rd workstation to the other side of the office for the nitwit as a temporary setup until they make permanent office changes, new furniture, computers etc. So she has to sit at a corner work station with 3 computers and a phone. She decides she didn't want to sit there and sat at my spot until I walked in the door and freaked. Now it's quite obvious that someone currently occupies this space. I have pictures and humorous signs on my overflowing bulletin board over my desk, a cabana chair for my cell phone, my radio, my own phone which attaches to personal headset, the rest of the freaks share 2 general handset phones, and all my files and books,manuals etc on my shelf. Oh yeah and file cabinets all locked up with my damn stuff with my name on them. So she said she didn't realize it was my desk. Hey retard do I have to out a giant sign hanging from the ceiling to tip you off. The other guys didn't say anything to her because they wanted me to go off on her when I got there. She is stupid.

I have tried to deal with her but I'm done. She's too far gone. Stupid can't be helped. My boss was like come on I know she seems dumb but she has to be somewhat qualified otherwise they would have never sent her here. Ok fine. So on Monday she takes a message from a huge huge customer. I'm talking hundred million dollar account. She never passes the message on to me and then goes home. I get a call from another dept 20 minutes before the customer closes asking me why it's not done. I'm like oh fudge, what am I going to do. I had to work a true miracle to get the shit done before they closed. She can't even take a simple message. Oh yeah when she does leave me a message it's usually in Spanish. Hola I speak English asshole. My boss and I had a heart to heart when I walked in, ok I mean stormed in on Tuesday. I get a replacement in 1 week 2 days, I'm starting the countdown now. He politely explained to her that I need someone there for at least 6 hours not 4 (she told them after she accepted the job that she needs to leave for her evening job) and that I need someone who can at least be trusted to answer the phones to take a message. I can only imagine what this retard can destroy in the next 7 days.

Oh yeah her replacement is a zipper head. Oh wait maybe that's not very pc of me, she's a fucking gook. Can't my company give me someone who's first fucking language is English or at least speaks fluent English without a ridiculously heavy accent. I hate having to say what 300 times in a 1 hour period.

All this and it's only Wednesday. I have 2 more days of this before I get retarded drunk at wedding # 1. True seems to think there is no open bar at this thing. If there is no open bar, I will hurt the bride and the groom. It's at a winery for god sake, they will find me in an empty wine vat. And I don't even really like wine.

Being Sober Stinks

2005-10-03T02:06:00.000-04:00

I'm going to change the name of my blog to Doesn't Play Well With Others While Sober.

Well sobriety doesn't agree with me at all. I was the designated driver Saturday night. ME PATSY THE DRUNK WAS SOBER AND WAS THE GOD DAMN DESIGNATED DRIVER. It's just wrong. Diddy tried to help and suggested Mike's Hard Light, it's 1 carb and like 56 calories a drink, it also tastes like water because I think it is water. I so can't be the sober person. I didn't like it. Thank god we were only hanging out with diddy's friends and they're pretty lame anyway. Thank freaking God next weekend is the shotgun wedding at a winery. It's an afternoon wedding, I guess I'll have to break my normal rule and drink during the day.

I'd like to take everyone's advice and just buy a bigger dress for the wedding but I'm not going to. I'm going to lose some sort of weight before the damn trip. I'm going to not eat and use all my caloric intake for liquor only. Sounds like a better plan. But I can't give up food, I get drunk and then get the munchies. It used to be so easy to lose weight. Geez I hate getting old, it sucks.

This was the weekend I was supposed to go into work but it didn't happen. Some other freak volunteered to go in. He doesn't even get overtime for it, he must be on crack. Tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. I have a new office bitch I mean underling to deal with and like 15 or so more employees. My boss said the new person reports directly to me, God I love power. I'm so going to abuse my new power. This chick is so going to hate me. I'm already working on getting rid of her, she is a regular complainer to the HR dept. She has sex with the guys at work then when things sour she goes to HR and makes bogus complaints on the guys. They have already moved her twice. She sounds like a lot of fun to work with. I already told my boss all about her and explained I can't have such drama in my office. He agrees and has already taken a list of names of people to interview for the position as my new minion. But I have to have to make due with the office whore for now.

I read a blog tonight that was talking about 1st times. You know 1st kiss, 1st love, etc.. I remember the 1st time I ever had a beer, my dad gave it to me. I was 9, it was a Michelob. The 1st time I ever smoked pot I was 14. Ah the summer before sophomore year. I was wasted the entire summer. 1st kiss, it was with some hot football player sophomore year I was 15, he was a senior it was at a dance. I was slightly intoxicated. I totally dumped him like a month later for one of his friends. God I was so awesome back then. 1st love was Willie. I dated him for 2 years and he wanted to get married. He must have been on drugs. I was 16 he was 18 why in the hell did he want to get married? He even got me a pre-engagement ring. I told him I wasn't ready to get married. 16 years later, nah I'm still not ready to get married yet. Well I know this for sure if I got married back then I would be a raging alcoholic by now. Forget being a social drinker.

And yes I do consider myself a social drinker nothing more. Stop laughing.

Patsy is Giving up the Booze

2005-09-29T23:22:00.000-04:00

Well, apparently I'm not supposed to be drinking alcohol. No No they didn't put me in rehab or anything. We're off to Key West in 36 days and the weekend before that I have a weekend wedding thingee to attend so I need to fit into my clothes. So I'm watching what I eat obviously and I started taking Stackerdrene this week. OMG for not having Ephedra in them these things get me pumped. I so miss good old Stacker 2 with Ephedra. I could eat all I wanted pop a couple pills a day and lose weight. Then all these freaks had to go and die from taking the stuff now it's illegal. Sons of bitches. But these Stakerdrenes seem to be working so we'll see.

So my day now consists of drinking huge vats of water, eating grilled chicken and salad and popping these pills. I guess I may have to start exercising soon, Oh god did I really just say that. Shoot me now. So back to the no booze part. Diddy insists I cut booze out of my life until we go on vacation. I think he just wants to see if I could go without booze for that long. 36 days. 36 long days. I haven't had a drink since Saturday. So that would make it 41 days no booze. Nope that's not going to happen. We have a wedding next weekend, it's at a winery,True Jersey is also going to the wedding, her very sober and very responsible hubby is driving. I have to drink, it would be rude not to drink their free booze at this wedding. And it would be rude not to get drunk at an open bar with my best friend and best drinking partner. Sorry diddy it can't be done.

I think this is diddy's general plan. 1st he wants to dry me out and see what I'm really like sober. No I'm just kidding, he's seen me sober a couple of times in the past couple of years. He thinks I'm wasting my calories on booze instead of food. I have my own sort of special diet. I plan on living on Stackerdrene and alcohol. I'm going to use up all my precious calories on light beer and not eat anything but lean cuisine until I go on vacation. With the exception of that damn winery thing, I mean wedding. Oh yeah and then that wedding the weekend of Halloween. I have 2 weddings before this trip, how am I expected to lose weight and not drink. Are the gods of alcohol toying with me? I've been good to them. I lavish them with much attention, I pray to them religiously and I have vowed to never give up booze even if my liver leaves me.

I just need to fit in my dress and fit back into my summer clothes. Please say Key West in early November is too cold to go in the pool then I won't have to worry about fitting back into my bathing suit. Okay okay I need to fit back into my skinnier clothes not my fat clothes. Damn it, it's the booze that packs on these damn pounds. Argh, I hate when diddy is right.

Ok I'm going to try to only drink at these 2 weddings, 1 is a full weekend so Friday and Saturday count as 1 drinking event, oh yeah and the night the boys go to that bachelor party True and I are sure to get drunk that night. Ok so I'm going to try to only drink on those 3 occasions. Oh boy this may be tough.

Wish me luck, I may be much bitchier than usual though. I think I'll just take it out on my co-workers.

This is actually pretty cool

2005-09-29T00:14:00.000-04:00

This is a pretty cool meme for music buffs. Click here. Scroll all the way to the bottom and pick the year you graduated high school. Bold the songs you like, italicize the ones that you think suck and "red" the ones you can't remember and just leave alone the ones you don't really give a feck about.

I forgot 44 songs from that year. See why drugs are bad. Most of that year is a blur. I was wasted.

1. (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, Bryan Adams
2. I Wanna Sex You Up, Color Me Badd
3. Gonna Make You Sweat, C+C Music Factory
4. Rush Rush, Paula Abdul
5. One More Try, Timmy T
6. Unbelievable, EMF
7. More Than Words, Extreme
8. I Like The Way (The Kissing Game), Hi-Five
9. The First Time, Surface
10. Baby, Baby, Amy Grant
11. Motownphilly, Boyz II Men
12. Because I Love You (The Postman Song), Stevie B
13. Someday, Mariah Carey
14. High Enough, Damn Yankees
15. From A Distance, Bette Midler
16. All The Man That I Need, Whitney Houston
17. Right Here, Right Now, Jesus Jones
18. I Adore Mi Amor, Color Me Badd
19. Love Will Never Do (Without You), Janet Jackson
20. Good Vibrations, Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch Featuring Loleatta Holloway
21. Justify My Love, Madonna
22. Emotions, Mariah Carey
23. Joyride, Roxette
24. Romantic, Karyn White
25. I Don't Wanna Cry, Mariah Carey
26. Hold You Tight, Tara Kemp
27. You're In Love, Wilson Phillips
28. Every Heartbeat, Amy Grant
29. Sensitivity, Ralph Tresvant
30. Touch Me (All Night Long), Cathy Dennis
31. I've Been Thinking About You, Londonbeat
32. Do Anything, Natural Selection
33. Losing My Religion, R.E.M.
34. Coming Out Of The Dark. Gloria Estefan
35. Here We Go. C+C Music Factory
36. It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over, Lenny Kravitz
37. Where Does My Heart Beat Now, Celine Dion
38. Summertime, D.J. Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince
39. Wind Of Change, Scorpions
40. P.A.S.S.I.O.N., Rhythm Syndicate
41. The Promise Of A New Day, Paula Abdul
42. I'm Your Baby Tonight, Whitney Houston
43. Love Of A Lifetime, Firehouse
44. Fading Like A Flower (Every Time You Leave), Roxette
45. This House, Tracie Spencer
46. Hole Hearted, Extreme
47. Power Of Love-Love Power, Luther Vandross
48. Impulsive, Wilson Phillips
49. Love Is A Wonderful Thing, Michael Bolton
50. Rhythm Of My Heart, Rod Stewart
51. Things That Make You Go Hmmmm..., C+C Music Factory
52. I Touch Myself, Divinyls
53. Tom's Diner, DMA
54. Iesha, Another Bad Creation
55. Something To Talk About, Bonnie Raitt
56. After The Rain, Nelson
57. Play That Funky Music, Vanilla Ice
58. Temptation, Corina
59. Can't Stop This Thing We Started, Bryan Adams
60. I Can't Wait Another Minute, Hi-Five
61. 3 A.M. Eternal, The KLF
62. Time, Love and Tenderness, Michael Bolton
63. Sadness Part I, Enigma
64. Around The Way Girl, LL Cool J
65. I'll Be There, Escape Club
66. Cream, Prince and The N.P.G.
67. Now That We Found Love, Heavy D. and The Boyz
68. Show Me The Way, Styx
69. Love Takes Time, Mariah Carey
70. Cry For Help, Rick Astley
71. The Way You Do The Things You Do, UB40
72. Here I Am (Come and Take Me), UB40
73. Signs, Tesla
74. Too Many Walls, Cathy Dennis
75. Crazy, Seal
76. I'll Give All My Love To You, Keith Sweat
77. Place In This World, Michael W. Smith
78. Something To Believe In, Poison
79. Wicked Game, Chris Issak
80. Get Here, Oleta Adams
81. Round and Round, Tevin Campbell
82. Silent Lucidity, Queensryche
83. I'm Not In Love, Will To Power
84. Piece Of My Heart, Tara Kemp
85. Real Real Real, Jesus Jones
87. Just Another Dream, Cathy Dennis
88. Everybody Plays The Fool, Aaron Neville
88. Strike It Up, Black Box
89. Rico Suave, Gerardo
90. Disappear, INXS
91. Groove Is In The Heart, Deee-Lite
92. All This Time, Sting
93. The One and Only, Chesney Hawkes
94. O.P.P., Naughty By Nature
95. Freedom 90, George Michael
96. I Saw Red, Warrent
97. Miles Away, Winger
98. Do You Want Me, Salt-N-Pepa
99. The Motown Song, Rod Stewart
100.Shiny Happy People, R.E.M

Random Tidbits

2005-09-27T22:45:00.000-04:00

I was tagged my LBSeahag and the jist of the meme thingee was to go to your 23rd post and pick put the 5th line(or closest to it) from the post and copy it. You 're supposed to pick 5 people to do it. I pick everyone.

It worked so well in fact that I drank myself silly,there was so much white powder underneath my arms it looked Marion Barry was having a party in there and I took 4 Tylenol Pm and slept like a drunken sailor.

By reading that line all by myself it makes me seem insane. Oh well if the straight jacket fits. This of course was from my armpit rash debacle. Since then I've had the pubic hair incident. Which by the way is doing fabulous. I tried some of the advice given, Noxema after a shave works well, next I will try the deodorant trick, shared by a gogo dancer, I think. Someone else suggested witch hazel with moisturizer, that sounds strange. Witch hazel smells I remember that much.

Oh yeah and you have to check this out. There is some chick out there who is a bigger freak than me. She has a blog totally devoted to stalking Eric Lindros. I can't even make this shit up. Stalking Eric. She offers free pitchers of beer for info on Eric Lindros. She even thinks he's straight. HaHa.

Sorry I haven't been stopping by your blogs, I've been crazy busy. I had a bridal shower this weekend and some drinking with True Jersey Girl to catch up on. I had to go to my super retarded training class yesterday in work. I also had an extra training class last Thursday as well. I also had to spend the better part of today defending why I refuse to go into work on Saturday night. So I'm tired and annoyed.

I also had to deal with the dreaded mom phone call last night. In case I never mentioned it my mom lives in Florida but that's way too close in my opinion. She's now almost positive she's moving back to Jersey and is trying to be nice to me. We go for months without speaking, ok so I go for months without speaking to her. So she is trying to get me to possibly buy a 2 family house or a mother daughter with her. SO NOT GOING TO EVER HAPPEN IN THIS FUCKING LIFETIME. I would rather live in my car. So she is now trying to entice me with gifts. I had mentioned I want to take diddy somewhere fabulous for his 30th birthday next March. I suggested a 12 day trip to Prague and Budapest my treat. He said no, I offered Amsterdam he still said no. Ok Europe is out. I am annoyed with it but it's his birthday so I'll let him pick the spot. He's thinking Caribbean. So she said she felt bad I would never get to go back to Prague again since diddy wouldn't travel there. So she suggested that me, her and my oldest sister should go and it would be her treat. She wants to go next fall even when the prices are much more expensive than the March trip I was planning on. It's always bad news when my mom offers to pay for stuff. I have a feeling I'm in for some real trouble. Yeah sure a free trip to Europe sound awesome but the catch is the old woman would be there. Ughh. I have traveled with the old woman before and it's bad, real bad. When we last traveled to Europe together by the end of the trip I was denying she was my mother. I had to share a room with her, how either one of us is still alive is beyond me.

You have no idea how bad it would be if she moved back here. I would get calls in the middle of the night from her asking me to come over and change the batteries in her remote or to set her alarm clock. She has no idea how to operate a vcr, a microwave,or a cell phone. She doesn't drive and expects me to always drive her places and shop for her. She wants me to send her the local newspapers so she can start looking at condos. Time to pray to the gods of alcohol for some type of miracle. Please anykind.

This calls for me to empty the beer fridge tonight. *Patsy goes to drown her sorrows*

Top Of My Short List

2005-09-22T22:57:00.000-04:00

Well, I wasn't going to blog tonight, I'm terribly exhausted from barely any sleep all week but since tonight was the season premiere of CSI I must. You know how people have their short list, the list of celebrities that if you ever meet them you are allowed to have sex with them and your partner can't complain about it. Basically because they're celebrities and it's really never going to happen anyway.

Well the top of my list is this guy. He plays Nick Stokes on CSI Vegas. Ah isn't he dreamy. His real name is George Eads that is such a dorky name I'll just keep calling him Nicky. I mean this guy is so hot I have this recurring fantasy about him. We're at his mansion and he fills the tub up with beer then takes a bath in it, I of course drink the beer bath when he is done. Yeah I know sound pretty sick but I can't let all that beer go to waste. Ahh who am I kidding I would drink pretty much anyone's leftover bath water if they bathed in beer. But back to my Nicky, isn't he cute. I'm going to beat the shit out of that old whore who plays the red headed ex-stripper turned scientist slut if she keeps going anywhere near my Nick. You know the tramp who plays Catherine Willows, I don't really care what her real name is.

My short list is indeed very short. It is my Nicky,

Eric Lindros
The only gay man I ever truly loved.

Bates Battaglia, a very bad yet ultra hot hockey player who can't even get signed this season. I think he's also an alcoholic man whore.

Gwen Stefani Yes I know she is totally hot I so love her. I have a weird thing for Gwen.

I did have Kyle Boller the Raven's quarterback on my list until I saw this picture of him with Tara Reid, he's tainted now I can't go anywhere near that.

Oh and the newest and yet strangest addition to my list.
Anderson Cooper. I don't usually go for the brainy types but there is something about him.

By the way Tara Reid is on the top of the list of people I want to run over with my car. I'm off to watch my Nicky on my TiVo.

****Update I totally forgot this hottie. Wentworth Miller
He's on that new show Prison Break. Yummy.

I Think Everyone is On Drugs

2005-09-21T03:06:00.000-04:00

It's nice to see so many people care about my pubic hair issues. I'm going to ignore my pubic hairs for a bit and let the razor burn go away before I think about waxing or any other suggestions. As always drinking will get me through this ordeal.

I had to go to work early again yesterday this time for a training class. It was on time management. I have a tip for my company. I could manage my time better if you'd stop making me go to these stupid training seminars every week. Oh and get this, they expect me to work on a Saturday night. Ha. They are all smoking crack. We are having a consolidation in a couple of weeks, my office is basically taking over a smaller division in the company. I am getting like 15 more retarded employees and an office bitch. This person will do all the stupid shit that I feel is beneath me, which is everything.

So on Friday they were coming up with plans on where to fit the equipment and extra computers in the offices. One of the big bosses tells me I will have to come in the Saturday before the offices merge and make sure all the programs run and all the employees have the correct info they need for Monday. He said I could come in anytime after 6pm on Saturday night. It can take anywhere from 2-4 hours to get this done. He said this with a straight face. To me this idea is insane. Why would I be at work until 10pm on a Saturday night? I'm not a waitress at Fridays, this is not part of the deal we are closed on weekends end of story. So I'm like are you people all on drugs? By 6pm on a Saturday I'm shitfaced, I don't think you want me in charge of programming anything. My boss who is terribly afraid of me quickly came to my aid and explained that I'm not stepping one foot inside that hell hole on a weekend. He said he wants someone who actually works on Saturday most likely and on call computer tech to do this work. Some of the stuff is highly technical, I have no clue how to do it. They told me they will train me to do it. Wouldn't you want someone who is already trained and already on call working on a Saturday to do this work? No. They just like to fuck with me I. Oh yeah they said if I can't make it in Saturday night I could come in Sunday but all the work needs to be finished before noon. In order for this to happen I would have to go to work on Sunday morning by 8am to make sure it was completed. How nice of them.

Sometimes I think the whole world is on crack. So not only do I have to deal with growing pubic hair much to my chagrin, I have to deal with the assbags from work. Will this madness never end?

By the way....... I so predicted that JD would be the new lead singer of Inxs. I think I might have to miss the Inxs world tour though because he annoys me along with the old coots pretending to be rock stars. Puleeze give it up old men.

And these hurricanes are just getting plain old ridiculous. I had to pray to the gods of alchol to spare Key West since I will be visiting there soon and I need my hotel and the bars in tact. Now the damn thing is headed towards Texas. Why do I have a feeling the it's heading straight towards the AstroDome? Can't this stupid thing hit Mexico instead. I mean if any of their cities end up looking like Biloxi after Katrina who would notice? It's a shit hole anyway.

And that's that bitches. That's all I got.

To Shave or Not to Shave

2005-09-18T23:10:00.000-04:00

Alrighty I see we have varying opinions on pubic hair. I only ask the question because I'm at war with my pubic hair. See normally I have none. I have an aversion to body hair. I shave my legs all winter keeping them quite smooth. I pluck my eyebrows to the point where I need to pencil parts in because they are so bare. I know I'm a freak. I would never allow a single hair under my armpits. I am thankfully of Slovak, Irish, English, and Scottish decent so my body hair is blonde. It's like peach fuzz so you can't really see any hair on my arms. Otherwise I might be forced to wax it or something. But the pubes, oh god the pubes drive me crazy. But they haven't been there in years. For like 11 years my pubes and I have an agreement they were shaved and waxed off without an argument on their part. No bumps, razor burn, nothing. It was all fine and dandy.

I do want to mention why I started shaving it all off. I was dating this psycho back in the day. He was a total stalker, he checked the mileage on my car to see if I was driving around after I left his house. What a jack ass! But he insisted I shave it all off. I was very well trimmed since I never much liked body hair but I could never commit to going for the gold. But the more he told me to do it, the more I insisted on keeping the hair I had. Needless to say the day I dumped psycho boy I shaved it all off and never looked back. (Remind me to post about Psycho Eddie one day I'm drunk right now and will mostly likely forget in 5 minutes to tell you all about him.) So as I was saying me and my hair parted ways ages ago and haven't had a problem until recently. Well, apparently the hairs want back in. I'm fighting them everyday believe you me. I had this unbelievable razor burn which never occurs. Then it got worse. The razor burn was irritated by my panties. Ah the panty line from hell. Now I am a firm believer in wearing underwear everyday at all times except in the shower and while having sex. I don't even go underwear free while in the privacy of my own home. Yes yes I know my nether regions need to breathe and such so I should go panty free. I have been panty free all this week. It's killing me. I feel naked. Not to wear panties under my clothes. What if I get in an accident what will people think? Forget getting caught with soiled panties, no panties that's a fate worse than death.

So I stopped shaving, that lasted a couple of days. Ah the hairs itch when they grow back in I totally forgot that part. So I immediately shaved giving myself razor burn bumps on top of razor burn bumps. So I swore to the gods of pubic hair and alcohol that I wouldn't shave for several weeks. Ok so 1 week went by and I shaved it. I couldn't help it. God it looked freaky. It's like trying to quit booze it's freaking tough. I need to join shavers anonymous or something. Hi my name is Patsy and I'm a plucking freak. Diddy calls me the Mother Plucker. I like that name. So it's 1 week since I shaved and it's killing me. I was in the shower before and had to have a serious conversation with myself while I had the razor in my hand. How long can this madness continue? Will I have to endure a full bush forever? Even while trimming the edges I aggravate the pubes. I've even had to ask diddy not to try to come near it. I'm afraid he might be afraid of the crazy pubic hair and bizarre shaving bumps. He just shakes his head and told me to leave it alone. Perhaps I'm spending too much time powdering it and loofahing it. Yes I have loofahed my pubic area. I don't want dead skin or crazy ingrown hairs causing me troubles. I have always pampered my pubic area with loofah, lotion and love. That system worked until now.

What can I do to get my pubic area back to normal? I can't stand this. Yes this all may sound quite crazy to you, but you do realize it's me we're talking about. Madness is quite normal for me. Ok so I just took a quick break. I had to stop and get another drink and well to shave my pubic hair. It took you too long to answer me about how to handle the situation. Argh I couldn't help it, it was itchy. I've been reading up about it on the internet. I tried changing blades weeks ago, it didn't work so I changed razors. I upgraded. I used the same shaving gel because all the other brands give me a rash, damn this sensitive skin of mine. I have resorted to putting Hydrocortizone lotion all over my razor burn, not wearing undies and wearing a pair of loose comfy boxers. This better work god damn it.

Anyone have any other ideas? I mean you all were so helpful with the armpit rash. Oh yeah that reminds me. No Guppyman I will not post a pic of my razor burn affected pubic area before you even ask. Crazy Cat Woman tell grandma I tried Gold Bond but it doesn't work on razor burn does she have another sure fire remedy? I've been drinking all night to cope with the pain, it kinda helps.

Shameless Plug About My Other Blog

2005-09-16T00:26:00.000-04:00

Only one more day of hell to go folks. I'm pretty beat and have to get up at like 9am to do laundry before going into work early so I can't really stay up and blog all night. I'm having a couple of cocktails than drugging myself into a delightful slumber.

I do want to plug my other blog a bit, it's been totally neglected by myself as well as True Jersey Girl. We're too busy toiling away on our individual blogs to spend time making our dual drinking blog totally fabulous. Yes I have another drinking blog. Geez, drinking is my life's work why not blog about it. Our blog is Hold My Hair. The reason for this title is because while we're puking somebody better hold our hair because you never get anything in the Jersey hair that's rule # 1. Not in the hair. It's small truly small collection of drunken pics of me and True and some strange people we have encountered on our drunken ways. The idea of the dual blog was thought of while drunk at the Mellencamp concert. What we are in need of is other people's drunken stories and pics. You can put them in the comments or you can email them to us and we'll be happy to post them and add em to our site. I'll be adding more pics daily, since my scanner is not working, I'll add more as I scan them on diddy's scanner.

I do have one thought before I go, I'm taking a small poll.

Pubic hair. Yeah or Nay?

Maybe if you're all really good I'll tell you why I'm asking next time after I hear your reasoning.

*** Update, you bitches better read my other blog that shit is funny as hell. Deb even did a post today, the story of when we truly bonded. Of course it was over alcohol.

No Pussy for Them

2005-09-15T01:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, so Inxs finally got rid of all the chicks on the show. I never believed for 1 second that they would pick a female as their new lead singer. They say mate way too much and seem like a bunch of drunken old sailors to me who think women don't belong. They should have just put a sign up outside saying Please no Pussy apply. I think that would have said it all. I don't think any of the women sounded right singing Inxs songs anyway. It was so obvious JD performed the acoustic version of his original song because Marty did the same thing last night. He doesn't have an original thought in his head therefore those retarded old men will probably pick him so they can make him sing their old crappy songs. I still like Pretty Vegas but I've heard it enough already make it stop. I'm glad this damn show is coming to an end because 2 hours a week is alot of time to take up on my Tivo.

Well, work was really fun an extra 2/12 hours of stupidity. I made myself feel better I made some supervisor almost cry today. He went and told his boss on me. What a tough guy. So his scary bitch boss called me up trying to give me her cunt attitude. His boss makes Darth Vader sound feminine. What a fucking freak! I don't think I've ever even seen her but I have quite the picture of her in my mind. I'm thinking 6 ft 4 in, shaved head, 1 big eyebrow, lots of moles, wearing a potato sack. She thought she could intimidate me. Fuck her. I told her that her supervisor is an annoying little weenie who bothers me everyday and I will continue to yell at him everyday until he learns not to speak to me. She said it was rude of me to think I don't have to speak to everyone at my workplace. I don't talk to any of those fucking freaks. I talk to who I want when I want and I ignore everyone else or I am totally and purposely rude to them. I am a world class bitch at work and the sooner these people realize it the better off we will all be. Did I mention I throw stuff at my employees? I almost nailed one guy in the head with a box last year. He apologized to me the next day for angering me. Whenever I act like that the guys make a comment that I must off my meds again.

I have a new motto Medication is the key to a happy work place. I forgot to mention I've been medicating myself before I go to work. I would love to drink before work but whey waste a good buzz. I've been taking these stress reducing supplements suggested by my brother who is a health and nutrition guru. So I take them right before work and I don't try to stab anyone in the eye with my pen anymore.

God my job sucks & Rock Star INXS

2005-09-14T01:51:00.000-04:00

My job sucks the big one. Yes yes I know all jobs suck the big one but mine is just plain god awful. This week has been a horrific nightmare. I've already worked 3 hours overtime. You're like this crazy bitch has only worked 19 hours so far and is complaining. Well I'm a salaried management employee and there is never any OT at my job. I work 8 hours a day and I run out of the office after exactly 8 hours whether shit is finished or not. Overtime is like finding gold in them thar mountains, it aint happening.

So my new boss, who has no clue, is letting my office fall apart. He wants Patsy Darling to come to the rescue. Imagine that they need the drunk broad to run the show, how scary is that. He calls me tonight at like 9:30 and is like how do you feel about coming in early tomorrow. I'm like dude I have another hour and a half worth of work left and you want me to come in early tomorrow, are you on crack? He's like yes I'm on crack but I need you to start at 11am. Yeah I'm going to work from 11am-10:30pm that leaves very little drinking time for Patsy. I go to bed at 5:30-6am how am I supposed to be at work at 11am? I could really use the money right now, well because I'm poor. I have a wedding shower coming up,the wedding in Virginia, which is 2 nights at the hotel in which they are having this fancy wedding, a gift, then I leave for Key West the following weekend with diddy, True Jersey,her hub and J the guy who threw up in his goatee. That's a lot of Patsy's beer money spent in a small period of time. All this and I'm supposed to be saving money for a house. So I'm extrememely poor.

I'm thinking my extra cash should go to booze ,pills and therapy instead. Oh an another fucking thing about my overtime. I get paid twice a month so they make sure as shit that my ot doesn't qualify for the next 2 pay periods so I won't see an extra dime until October 25. Bastards.

God damn I hate having to work for a living. Maybe while I'm at work tomorrow I'll type up that letter to Eric Lindros. And you know I can't even blog at work they don't allow me internet access because they figure I would never get anything done. My old boss said it was just easier to ban me from having internet access than having to fire me for ebaying at work all day. I guess he's right.

Update*** I just finished watching Rockstar INXS was it a joke? Did they really make Mig sing that lame ass Seal song Rose to a Kiss or whatever garbage he spouted. That was so bad I had to fast forward through it. And I'm not a huge Stones fan but that was the worst fucking rendition of Paint it Black ever. They did that on purpose so they could vote him off the island or out of the house or whatever it is they do to make bad rock star wannbees go away. He belongs in the theater not as the lead singer of a rock band no matter how old and bad they may be, they deserve better. After watching tonight, I'm extremely confident JD will win. He has the most Michael Hutchinson-esque quality about him, in my opinion. For some reason I like that Dirty Vegas song it's starting to grown on me. Marty's song Trees is super fucking lame, Dave Navarros is such a dork for digging it. And did JD plant a smooch on dave tonight? And why is he always trying to get Mig to disrobe? I mean he's married to most men's fantasty chick that dirty slut bag Carmen look at me Elecktra and he's trying to get Mig to take off his clothes all the time. Gee let's think about what that means.

Sorry I had to add the word verification the spammers have found me.

Hockey and Such

2005-09-13T00:30:00.000-04:00

I have been way too serious the past couple of days, I must be sober or something. So I'm trying to get back to being my normal funny crazy self. I've decided to talk hockey today. Well, I'm kind of going to talk about hockey. I'm going to talk about Eric Lindros. Yummy.

Now why am I an Eric Lindros fan when I'm an obvious Islander fan since birth? Simple. He's gorgeous.
I don't even care that he's gay. I love him anyway. I wouldn't even try to make him like women, I just want to stare at him all day and night and drool. I've even thought of writing to him to propose an offer that I think he can't refuse. Since professional athletes can't really say they're gay without terrible over reaction from the media and the fans he needs my help. Now I'm quite sure he dates Elvis Stojko,the figure skater, in real life but he needs a woman in his life to remove all doubts of his homosexuality, this is where Patsy stumbles in drunk. I will pose as his girlfriend and he can keep dating Elvis. I do have certain conditions. He buys me all the beer I want. I even get that really strong Canadian beer that we can't get here because it's like moonshine, I get to take as many naked pics of him as I want and cover the walls of an entire room with them, that's pretty much it, god I'm easy. How could he turn me down? This is a pretty good offer from where I'm sitting.

How do you think I should word the letter exactly? Should I get drunk before,after or while I write it?

Did I forget to mention that he can stay at my house and I'll nurse him back to health every time he gets injured? Yes I know that means he will spend most of the season at my place injured, but that's the plan. Oh yeah and he must be completely naked the entire time. He will fall madly in love with me and always keep my fridge stocked with yummy expensive beer.

I need so little in life to be truly happy. If you have an ideas about what I should say in my letter to Eric,please feel free to let me know. Maybe tomorrow I'll seriously talk about hockey.

Good night sweetie darlings.

*Patsy starts to drink

A Glimpse into Patsy Darling's Insane Brain

2005-09-11T14:17:00.000-04:00

I think LBseahag had a great idea in the comments of my last post, she wanted to introduce herself so I knew what she was all about. I'd like to do the same thing.
I'd like to tell you who I am and what I stand for and truly believe in.

I live in a Blue state. Thank fucking god for some small miracles. But I am surrounded believe you me. Almost everyone I work with is a huge Republican. My dad was a huge huge Republican who cursed bleeding heart liberals and referred to them as damn hippies,thinking about it now he was very Archie Bunker like. At this point in life my dad has been dead for 16 years now I loved my dad to death but thinking about it now I'd probably be ashamed of him if he was still alive. I don't think he would have changed. I was taught at a young age by my dad that it's wrong to be anything besides a white person. He was very bigoted against all other races,religions,etc. And of course he had an issue with gays. So growing up with that pushed in my face all the time, it would be quite easy for me to be a die hard republican who hates, gays, blacks and everyone who is not like me. But I don't. My mom all her life was very meek and never stood up to my dad even when she disagreed. There was absolutely no strong female presence for me to see in my house. Which may be why I'm such a loud mouthed opinionated broad. My mom finally decided after my dad died she could speak and decided to let us know she was damn proud to be a bleeding heart liberal.

My whole family is comprised of democratic thinkers with one glaring exception. My brother who is closest to me in age, he has money so therefore he thinks he must be a Republican so they can help him make lots more. Just last weekend at a family barbecue we were discussing the situation in New Orleans. He couldn't understand that these people are poor. When I made the point that some of these people only make $8000 in a year he tried to correct me, he said you mean they make $8000 a month. What poor person makes $8000 a month? $96,000 a year makes you poor, god I must be the poorest person on Earth. He was like no one could live on $8000 a year I explained that's exactly the point. He shrugged then went on to tell us about the $50,000 he just spent on a slate floor and new appliances for the $650,000 house he's having built. Yep Republicans are so in touch with the people. I can't stand to talk to him.

My oldest brother is gay. He's not a drag queen much to my dismay because that would be so fabulous. He's just a regular guy who has been with his boyfriend for 13 years. My family fully accepts them even my Republican brother after a long time and lots of fights and threats from the rest of the family. So yes having a gay brother has helped me to say gay people are not a threat to mankind. I knew as a kid my brother was gay but he's my brother so what else would I do. I beat up kids in the neighborhood who dared try to make fun of my brother because that's what you should do defend your own. My mom did defend him against my dad when he came out of the closet. That's about the only great thing my mom ever did for us kids.

So that's my family that's what I was given and from there I formed my own opinions. So you see why I'm wacky and probably drink too much.

But these are the things I believe in.

I believe in abortion. I not only believe in a woman's right to choose I fully believe in abortion, I don't believe it's actually killing someone, I don't believe a fetus is a life. Even if Roe vs Wade is over turned each state will vote on it's own whether or not abortions will be legal my blue state will still allow abortion.

I believe in the death penalty. I am all for this, I think we don't use this enough. This is the only thing I think Texas has ever gotten right apart from taking in all the homeless people from New Orleans. I think every state should have the death penalty and there should be no clemency bullshit. If you are sentenced to die, you die.Please don't say what about those wrongfully accused of a crime. Seriously does that happen a lot. I mean if you live a law abiding life you most likely will never be wrongfully accused of killing someone. I think executions should not be humane and they should be public. I think someone once said to have Pay Per View public executions, screw that it should be free. Put executions on UPN or WB their ratings suck anyway and have executions every day and every night. I would be glued to the TV. This may or may not deter criminals but at least we wouldn't be paying taxes to feed them and pay for their gyms. I also think rapists should be raped every day in prison mandatory rapes, that's right. Rape by blunt object. Sorry boys that will teach you. Pedophiles they get their dicks cut off the day they arrive at prison. Then the other inmates get to have their fun with them then they die on TV.

I believe the crappy jail system we do have in place is too nice for criminals. I think we should buy a big chunk of frozen land from Canada either in the Northwest territory or Nunavut and put all our criminals there. Where are they going to escape to there is nothing there anyway? Put them in giant camps much like concentration camps where they will await to die.

I of course believe in gay marriage. You know what my brother doesn't even want to get married so it's not even like I'm bitching about it for him. I have know alot of gay couples in my life so it's for all of them. I believe in equal rights for everyone just because that's fair.

I believe in a national healthcare system. The Canadians got us on this one folks. I don't think I should have to pay for my own benefits every month then have to pay a co-payment when I go to the doctor then shell out $25 for each prescription. I think this country should stop spending money on silly things like NASA and funding religious coos in small nations and spend money on what counts. Start by telling over priced drug companies to kiss our ass.

I believe we shouldn't spend trillions of dollars to find out what Mars looks like. If there are other life forms out there let them spend the money to come find us. I think NASA is a joke at this point. We proved we could make it to the moon ok we're done. Nothing else to see here folks.

I believe in legalizing marijuana. Hell why not the Dutch do it and they're not thrown into complete chaos. It would just be so much easier if cops could worry about serious things instead of busting someone who has a joint on them. Joints don't hurt people.

I don't believe in welfare. I do believe in some form of government assistance for those in need but I don't believe the system in place works at all. I believe that welfare mothers should have to work. I know plenty of working mothers just because you're on welfare don't give you the right to stay home.

I don't believe in foreign aid. I believe our money should stay here. Screw everyone else. I don't think our money should go to Israel to help them fight the Palestinians. Does anyone else realize this is why the Muslim world hates us?

I don't believe in the US policing the world. I think if your country is having a civil war, fight it out amongst yourselves. We did it once with no outside help and it worked out fine. I think we need to mind our business and worry about our own damn country.

I believe in the right to die and assisted suicides. I think that whole Terry Schiavio thing was garbage. Religious mumbo jumbo. That women for all intents and purposes was dead what good did it do to keep her here. NONE. If you want the cord pulled, let it be pulled. Dr Kevorkian that guy is a hero in my book.

I don't believe healthcare should cover those stomach stapling procedures. I think if you have to save all your money that you would normally spend on food to get that fat you would be able to afford that surgery.And then you wouldn't be so fat because you were saving money and in turn you saved your fat sorry ass life. I'm sorry I have no sympathy for people who are so fat you need to knock out a wall to get them out of their house. That is just disgusting and it's not necessary.

I believe this country should worry more about science than religion. Evolution should not be debated,global warming should not be debated. The fact that the Earth revolves around the sun should not be debated.

I think their should be a separation of church and state in this country. The 2 don't belong together. The government is supposed to stand up for all of it's people not just the ones who believe the same thing they do. I'm an agnostic, so religion in any form doesn't apply to me. So why, if I'm a citizen of this great country and don't believe in the teachings of any religion should I have to tolerate prayer in school, since I don't believe in prayer, or not be allowed to have an abortion because it goes against what Catholics think?

You may agree or disagree with my insane beliefs. But what are your beliefs? What do you think?

Patsy is Gonna Rant Tonight

2005-09-09T00:05:00.000-04:00

Ok I'm usually not very political on my blog but drinking and politics do go hand in hand. Just look at Teddy. Come on. But the topic of gay marriage has been heavily debated this week because the California Assembly,passed a bill to legalize same-sex marriages on Tuesday. And of course the Terminator is expected to veto it.

So I've been reading some other bloggers the past couple of days and I've been reading the comments by some of the jackasses who are trying to say gay marriage is wrong and an abomination, blah, blah, blah.... Now as you may or may not know I am a big supporter of gay rights. Why? Because I have a brain and I use it. I just think that all human beings deserve the same rights. If that makes me an idiot fine then that's your opinion.

But on one of the blogs I read several people had the argument that just because 2 people are in love doesn't make it right that they should be allowed to marry, they compared the love of two men or two women to that of a man and his dog. They say if you love your pet you should be able to marry it. Is that really the same thing? It doesn't seem the same to me. I think animals and people are quite different. So in essence what that ignorant commenter was trying to do was compare gay couples to the likes of animals.Oh yeah at one point this broad compares the plight of gay marriage to that of a rapist wanting to rape people in their own home. Some people are just insane.

Here is a comment off a blog that I was reading:
All the people who want to use "If they're in love, then they should be allowed to get married..." argument, let's take that a step further. If we're using that logic, why can't I marry my brother? If I'm in love with him, and I'm not hurting anybody else, why can't I marry him? What about marrying my mom or my dad? What's wrong about incestual marriage? I'm not hurting anyone, so why can't I marry another member of my family? Why not being able to marry one of my children? You might want to use the argument that it would be a grave health risk if I marry inside my family. But, there are no laws against people with genetic diseases such as Down's Syndrome, Sickle-Cell Anemia, etc from getting married and procreating when their chances of passing on the disease is high. People who test positive as carriers of genetic diseases are not forbidden from marrying another carrier, even with the risks involved. Even people with AIDS are not forbidden, by law, from procreating or from getting married to another person with or without AIDS. So, that health risk is out of the question. So, why can't I have an incestual marriage? Going to the next level, why can't I marry my dog? We're in love. Or, my farm animal? I'm from down south. We LOVE our pigs down here. Cant we get married? We're not hurting anyone by it. We've outlawed polygamy. Why? Why can't a man have more than 1 wife? He's not hurting anyone. I think we should bring back polygamy.
This is why we can't argue rationally about same sex marriage. There is no such thing as honorable discourse in this country anymore. The "But, we're in love" argument is b.s. and has no legal or logical basis.
There are many things that we want to do, but society dictates that we can't. What if I wanted to kill and rape within the privacy of my own home? I'm not hurting you, so who the hell are you to tell me that it's not allowed? So, yes, there many aspects of life, if you want to play semantics and call it morality fine, that the government has been elected to dictate for us. That is why we put them there.
(Oh yeah I even spellchecked their comments because this narrow minded asshole can't spell either)

Is this a fucking joke?

Laws are meant to be changed that is the beauty of our Constitution. Those old rich land owing white men realized they didn't know everything and made it so that laws could be changed. There was a law at one time prohibiting the sale of alcoholic beverages and that was changed thank fucking god for that. Our government realizes that some of their laws are stupid and need to be changed for the better. Yeah like slavery I remember that being changed. Women's right to vote that was another one that people realized needed to happen. Why? Because you can't continue to treat people like 2nd class citizens like what is happening to the gays in this country.

Here is a story currently in the news.

FALLS CITY, Neb. Matt Koso a 22yr old dock worker married a 14 yr old girl. In the eyes of the law that's just fine. But he apparently had sex with her once before they got married and that's wrong. So a grown man can legally marry a child but two adult men or 2 two adult women can't get married. What the fuck does a 14 yr old girl know about marriage? And yeah it's so ok to fuck a 14 yr old after you run down to the local justice of the priest to get hitched. Is this how backwards our country has become?

Getting married did not satisfy the state of Nebraska. The state recognizes the marriage, but prosecutors said it doesn't excuse what happens between a man and a child before a wedding.

The couple tied the knot about 15 miles south of Falls City in Hiawatha, Kan., where state law permitted the 14-year-old pregnant girl to marry with her mom's permission.

In fact, with a parent's permission, there is no minimum age for a bride or groom in Kansas. In 2003, the latest year for which numbers are available, five girls younger than 15 got married, all to older teenagers.

The laws

■ In Kansas, anyone under 18 needs permission of a parent and a judge to get a marriage license. With that special permission there is no age limit. Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius said after the Koso case created headlines that she supports establishing a minimum age for marriage.

■ In Missouri, people 18 or older are free to get married. Those 15 through 17 need permission from a parent. Those under 15 can only get married if a judge finds reason to justify the marriage, but there is no minimum age requirement.

■ Sex with anyone under 14 is a felony in Kansas. Sex with a 14- or 15-year-old is also illegal if the other person is more than four years older. The age of consent is 16.

■ Sex is illegal in Missouri with anyone under 14. Anyone 21 or older is barred from sex with anyone under 17. So sex between a 20-year-old and a 15-year-old, for instance, would be legal.

■ In Kansas and Missouri, sex within a legitimate marriage is legal, even between a minor and an adult.

So these are the laws that the government we have elected think are good laws. No need to change these puppies their keepers. So you can have sex with a minor as long as you're on the right side of the state line. But 2 consenting adults, people over the age of 18, who are of the same sex can't get married.

Now going back to this bit _Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius said after the Koso case created headlines that she supports establishing a minimum age for marriage.
Oh so this is a law that we should change. Oh wait I thought we can't change laws. I thought what laws are in place are set in stone and we can't say change the wording a bit to say Marriage is a contract between to 2 persons instead of between a man and a woman. It's a simple change, not a big one. The Kansas Gov wants to change the age minimum, why can't the wording be changed as well. It's just words. Do you know why? Because people religion is too intertwined in our government. Our laws are being taken out of the bible. A book I don't care to read because to me it's just another book of tall tales. I don't live by it and I'm sure alot of others don't either. I don't believe in god so why do I by law have to do what he tells me? The founding fathers set up our government the way it is so I wouldn't have to.

There is more to this. I am so pissed now I will continue with part 2 next post.

A Small Ray of Hope or a Giant Flame, You Choose.

2005-09-07T02:02:00.000-04:00

Amid the tragedy, about two dozen people gathered in the French Quarter for the Decadence Parade, an annual Labor Day gay celebration. Matt Menold, 23, a street musician wearing a sombrero and a guitar slung over his back, said: It's New Orleans, man. We're going to celebrate.

Damn that Fabio he's always showing his gay pride.

Now I'm sure if there is a god and these damn Catholics are right this picture will get me in trouble. But is this the gay guy with the sombrero from New Orleans?

I couldn't resist sorry.

But you can't keep a bunch of gay guys from partying, they do it best honey.
Glad to see my city still has it's heart in tact. Screw you Repent America.

This is what I was loading up forTrue JerseyGirls'sBarbecue

All in all it was good times. Please don't call DYFS when you see this, it's too cute. That's True's daughter Princess she just wants to be part of the good times, I mean she is the middle angel in training afterall. I just used to make a hat out of the six pack container, this kid is so ahead of other kids her age, she used the whole damn case. She's a smart bebe. We believe she was conceived in N'awlins, it explains a lot.

Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. And I had a drink for each and every damn one of you this weekend whether you wanted one or not.

So ready to drink

2005-09-02T15:36:00.000-04:00

Ok, I've been posting all kinds of depressing things this week but now I'm done. I'm not even going to get into how some retarded couple left their baby behind in New Orleans in a hospital & they went to Houston. They said they didn't think it was safe for him to travel, oh yeah so just leave him behind in a town that everyone knows will flood. Then they come crying on CNN, that they just found him. I hope that when one day he finds out that they left him, he tell them to fuck off and die. Oh yeah and what about that nitwit tourist who flew into New Orleans on Saturday afternoon knowing a possible hurricane is on the way and is now upset she's stuck in the French Quarter. Hey douchebag when a hurricane warning is in effect for the entire gulf coast it's a good idea not to fly into it. She is upset with the city of New Orleans and the state of Louisiana for leaving tourists in the quarter. She said they seem to be more concerned with their own citizens than with tourists. Hmm, gee asshole it makes sense to me. The people who live there are underwater, you're in the quarter all nice and dry. You can get on a bus to Houston and fly home. Your house and all your belongings will still be there. These people that they're trying to rescue off rooftops have nothing else but their lives, so too fucking bad you're dumb ass is stuck. Who told your stupid ass to fly there on Saturday afternoon when a giant fucking hurricane is on the way? People are just plain fucking stupid. And that's that.

Now on to more important things. My plans for this long and oh so deserved drinking weekend. I'm going to get stinking drunk.
True Jersey is having a beer-b-que this weekend. We're planning on drinking to N'awlins and celebrating the greatest city known to man. We're having jello shots in Mardi Gras colors. We're making Voodoo Daiquiris from LaFitte's on Bourbon Street, my fav of all Nawlins concoctions.

Voodoo Daiquiri
It'll put a spell on you!
2 oz. Bourbon
1 oz. Everclear or Vodka
4 oz. Grape Juice
1 cup Crushed ice

Combine Bourbon, Vodka, grape juice and ice into a blender and blend at a medium speed until smooth (15 to 25 seconds). Pour into a chilled hi-ball or Collins glass. Should be served in a plastic cup while in the French Quarter.

Courtesy of Jean Lafitte's Olde BlacksmithShop:
Bourbon Street, New Orleans

Just in case yall wanna try one. I know we have beignet mix from Cafe Du Monde perhaps we'll have beignets when wasted just like when in the quarter. I'm so wearing my beads as well. I will bring my most prized beads,
the Boobie ass Beads.
I so didn't show my boobs for them, I talked me way into the beads. Some dirty old man in a dune buggy on Bourbon wanted to see boobs and I explained to him in a reasonable and drunk matter that it's degrading for a woman to show boobs for beads.By the end of the conversation he gave me the beads and was my new best friend. See you don't have to show boobs to get men to like you.

I have lots of drinking & lots of toasting to N'awlins to do. I know it would be so much better if we were having a party to raise money for relief efforts but come on I'm a drunk. My future city is underwater, there is nothing else to do but get drunk, talk about the good times spent in N'awlins and hope that it ok to visit sometime in the not so distant future. Besides my beer fridge looks like this and it's calling to me to empty it. The door and the bottom drawer are filled as well. I'm so lucky to have all this beer. Thank you Jesus for the important things in life. ALCOHOL

Have a tremendously drunken weekend. I know I will.

What a Big Bag of Religious Dicks

2005-09-01T01:15:00.000-04:00

This is an excerpt from the sick website Repent America

ACT OF GOD DESTROYS NEW ORLEANS
DAYS BEFORE "SOUTHERN DECADENCE" 8/31/05

Just days before "Southern Decadence", an annual homosexual celebration attracting tens of thousands of people to the French Quarters section of New Orleans, an act of God destroys the city.
"Southern Decadence" has a history of filling the French Quarters section of the city with drunken homosexuals engaging in sex acts in the public streets and bars. Last year, a local pastor sent video footage of sex acts being performed in front of police to the mayor, city council, and the media. City officials simply ignored the footage and continued to welcome and praise the weeklong celebration as being an "exciting event". However, Hurricane Katrina has put an end to the annual celebration of sin.

On the official "Southern Decadence" website (www.SouthernDecadence.com), it states that the annual event brought in "125,000 revelers" to New Orleans last year, increasing by thousands each year, and up from "over 50,000 revelers" in 1997. This year's 34th annual "Southern Decadence" was set for Wednesday, August 31, 2005 through Monday, September 5, 2005, but due to massive flooding and the damage left by the hurricane, Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco has ordered everyone to evacuate the city.

The past three mayors of New Orleans, including Sidney Barthelomew, Marc H. Morial, and C. Ray Nagin, issued official proclamations welcoming visitors to "Southern Decadence". Additionally, New Orleans City Council made other proclamations recognizing the annual homosexual celebration.

"Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city," stated Repent America director Michael Marcavage. "From Girls Gone Wild to Southern Decadence, New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. May it never be the same," he continued.

New Orleans is also known for its Mardi Gras parties where thousands of drunken men revel in the streets to exchange plastic jewelry for drunken women to expose their breasts. This annual event sparked the creation of the "Girls Gone Wild" video series.

"Let us pray for those ravaged by this disaster. However, we must not forget that the citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long," Marcavage said. "May this act of God cause us all to think about what we tolerate in our city limits, and bring us trembling before the throne of Almighty God," Marcavage concluded.

"[God] sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." (Matthew 5:45)

DO YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THESE ASSHOLES???

I emailed them and let them know what I think of them. This is what I had to say.

You are a bunch of assholes. How dare you say these people deserved this. What kind of god would do this? If there is a god I doubt he thinks this site and the garbage you spew is in his name. Fuck you.

I hope you rot in hell,
Patsy Darling

I think they might get the hint. Please help me in my new crusade which is to tell these people what true assholes they are.

Thanks to Anti Everything for posting this stupid site so others can see how retarded people can truly be.Oh yeah hurricanes now hate gay people didn't you all know that. How silly of me not to realize this sooner.

This reminds me of the Inquisition of Venice. Back when the ecclesiastical idiots decided to take things into their own hands. They entered Venice during the plague and decided to preach to people that the once great and powerful city of Venice was destroyed because they drank,gambled,and kept the company of courtesans. They blamed the citizens for the moral degeneration of the city. These people are just insane religious zealouts.

I think I will email Repent America on a daily basis. Leave it up to the religious right to blame the gays for this disaster.

This is just crazy

2005-08-31T15:01:00.000-04:00

I've been glued to CNN for the past several days and I just cannot come to grips with all the images I have been seeing. I know I joked the other day about praying to the gods of alcohol about veering to Biloxi to save my city but my god who knew? This is just so crazy. They are now saying possibly thousands of people died in New Orleans. Now I know these hurricanes hit Florida all the time (with no thanks to my mom aka Satan who brought on these terrible storms) but I never really understood the severity. I've been to Florida only the west coast that's where satan and 2 of my sisters live but I've never been to any of the towns that were hit so I can't see the magnitude. But with New Orleans I've been there, I've walked these streets. I've loved this place from the moment I set my eyes on it and now it's mostly gone. You can't see it, it's underwater. How crazy is this shit? So far the French Quarter is still not flooded too badly. Bourbon St is standing above the flood. But for how long? If you have not been to New Orleans let's hope it's still there for you to experience one day in the future.

Now I want to discuss the looters. Yes it's terrible. But if you were trapped in a city 80% full of water & had no food or water you would take food, this I have no doubt about, I would do it. As for looters stealing tv's and sneakers. What did you expect would happen? This is one of the poorest cities in the country. If you've ever been there you know it's poverty stricken. You've seen it. You can't walk around freely in the quarter because you will be robbed. It's a ghetto. And what do you think would happen when a ghetto is thrown into complete chaos? These people are so poor to begin with it's almost beyond our comprehension. And now the projects in which they live are gone, anything they owned is gone. These are people who can't afford flood insurance so they will have less then nothing to go back to and no way to replace it of course they are going to try to steal things to replace what they lost. So please don't sit behind your brand new computer in your nice dry home, watching your plasma tv, eating a hot meal and drinking a cold beverage and then have the nerve to judge these people. These people who stole guns yes they are assholes I agree they should be shot dead on the spot. But people who are stealing clothing oh yeah let's get mad at them because their belongs floated out to sea and they want to change their smelly clothes. Oh you stole toys god forbid your child who is suffering should have a toy to play with to feel somewhat like a child again admist all this insanity. I don't condone this behavior by any means but as people keep saying this is a flood of biblical proportions what is to be expected from people? Do you expect people who normally behave like animals by robbing tourists and stealing cars to behave themselves when the police have their backs turned by trying to save people and the city itself. I keep seeing it on blogs and it's just stupid. Let's flood out your neighborhood, cut off your electricity, ruin all your belongings,starve you, not give you clean water to drink and let you have dead bodies floating around you and then we'll see how you will react.This is like eating dead bodies when you're stranded after a airplane crash, you say you wouldn't do it but who knows how you would react under the most unbelievable of circumstances. So just shut it, go climb into your monster Suv and bitch because gas is now almost $3 a gallon and it takes $100 to fill your tank so you can get 1 mile to the gallon in your penis mobile. Self righteous assholes.

And now I'm reading people saying that people who are now stuck in New Orleans are assholes for staying. They should have left when they were warned. Alright you have
no car,no money,no place else to go how do you leave? where do you go? Sure start walking out of the city. What is wrong with you people? What were they supposed to do. The city offered shelter at the Superdome and that's it. They didn't get buses and bus people out it just wasn't offered. These people are poor so poor that you can't even fathom it. So don't say these people purposely stayed behind. Yeah I bet all these people were thinking gee a hurricane is going to flood this city let's stay so we can loot the stores and get us a new flat screen tv who cares if we die in the process. I don't think that's how it happened.

Now I will admit I am appalled by the price of gas myself. The price went up 26 cents a gallon from Monday to Tuesday, then on Tuesday night it went up another 10 cents within hours.I have bitched and moaned about it. I shake my head and then realize I'm a selfish ass. I am pissed because I have to pay more money to drive around in my brand new car. My streets are dry, my home and belongings are untouched and myself and my loved ones are safe I have nothing to bitch about and I don't think you do either. No one needs you griping now what everyone needs to do is pray for these people and give to whatever hurricane charities you can afford to.

* update* Gas just went up 60 cents from last night. Thanks for nothing George W. $3.29 for regular you're an asshole. Sorry you had to cut your god damn vacation short.

Oh, my cherry has been broken

2005-08-29T21:47:00.000-04:00

No you dirty little bastards not that one. I'm talking about my blogging cherry.HighMaintenanceHussy has tagged me. I've never been tagged, well at least I don't think I have. If you tagged me and I never noticed, sorry I was probably drunk.

Seven Things I…

Plan to Do Before I Die:

1. Live in Prague. At least for a couple of months. It's one of the most unbelievable place I've ever been.
2. Drink in every state. Hell maybe if some of you are nice I'll bring my drinking show to a city near you.
3. Drink at Oktoberfest in Germany.
4. Open a bar in N'awlins with True Jersey Girl called Hysterically Blind.
5. Go to Graceland to pay true homage to the King.
6. Get over my extreme and ridiculous fear of heights.
7. Live in Aruba and pay for my stay by working on the drinking bus.
Kukukunuku Baby.

Things I Can Do:

1. Make a drunken ass out of myself any time or place.
2. Make people laugh. Usually at me but hey I'm fucking funny.
3. Stay awake for days at a time, damn you insomnia.
4. Read an entire book in a couple of hours, no pictures either.
5. Talk for like an hour straight without coming up for air.
6. Make one hell of a snazzy drinking helmet.
7. Make a wicked awesome lemonade and vodka.

Things I Can’t Do:

1. Have only 1 drink.
2. Not watch reality tv I'm addicted god damn it.
3. Shots of Tequila,Jaegarmeister...Goldschaegar..Rumplemints...ok shots in general.
4. Be nice to people.
5. Vote Republican.
6. Save money.
7. Dance when I've had a couple of drinks, it just gets ugly folks.

Things I say most:

1. Fucking Douchebag, it just says it all I think.
2. Can I have another drink please? You must be polite in requesting a drink, in fear that you may not get another.
3. Big bag of dicks.(such a funny story behind that)
4. You're a fucking asshole. (damn I curse alot)
5. Babycakes. That's my annoying shmoopy like name for diddy,he calls me Babycakes too
6. Are you fucking with me?
7. God I need a drink!

Love to Drink:

1. Strawberry Margaritas, made so strong you grow back hair.
2. Mike's Hard Limes, god I love these things. Yes I'm drinking one right now.
3. Lemonade and Vodka. of course made with citron vodka, yummy enough said.
4. Yuengling Lager thanks Jenny Dein the sausage queen for turning me on to these.
5. Rasberry Vodka Margaritas, a special concotion,quite delish.
6. Voodoo Daiquiri, It's the greatest drink ever made at Jean Lafitte's Olde BlacksmithShop on Bourbon St in N'awlins. It contains, grape juice, everclear and bourbon blended over ice and served like a frozen slushie. 2 of these will knock you out and they taste awesome. God I hooe that place didn't float away in the hurricane.
7. Diet Dr. Pepper well I can't drink alcohol every waking moment. Damn that Dr Pepper I'm addicted.

7 drunks who I would like to pass this on to......

Debi
Kcterrilynn
Martha
Not A Soccer Mom
Rachael
Deputy's Wife
Crazy Cat Woman

I expect no one to do this damn thing, but if you want to what the hell.

Please Pray for N'awlins

2005-08-28T14:31:00.000-04:00

This is how the people of N'awlins think. Gotta love em.

I'm not a religious person by any means but I have been praying to the Gods of Alcohol to save my favorite city. I mean if N'awlins is destroyed how will I ever open my bar there with True Jersey Girl? Me and True at the place where we truly belong.

This is the city where I will live as soon as my liver can handle all the pain I will inflict there. I mean why can't the hurricane hit Biloxi or something? Not that I wish harm to anyone in Biloxi but I most likely will never want to live there so if it's hit well, it won't affect me in anyway. If you live near Biloxi or have family there don't be upset with me for being mean and selfish, I can't help it I just am. I don't really give to charity but hurricane relief funds to help N'awlins, I'm all over that. It has driven my new blogging friend Se7en to run for high ground. Let's hope he's safe and that his home is there when he goes back.

I'd like to apologize to all of the people affected by all these hurricanes in the past several years. It's my mom's fault. As soon as satan moved to the west coast of Florida your weather has been awful. She brings misery with her. Sorry folks. Oh and please help me pray for the Keys for the rest of hurricane season. We're heading down to party in November and we need our hotel and all the nearby bars to be there undamaged.

Well, this weekend I experienced something new. I went to a Mongolian Barbecue Restaurant. If you are in Jersey or New York you must check this joint out. Khan's Mongolian Garden on Route 303 in Blauvelt. It's right near the Palisades Mall. It's an all you can eat place & well worth the $15 a person. As soon as you sit down they bring you peel & eat shrimp, dumplings & a spicy salad. Then you get a choice of soups wonton,sweet & sour or seafood. Then you are free to go up to the grill area. You fill your bowl with either chicken, beef, pork, lamb or shrimp. Then there are tons of veggies,noodles & sauces. This is all fresh & uncooked. You bring your bowl over to two Mongolian guys who have these huge hot round grills. They cook your food as you watch & flavor it with one of 5 stir fry sauces,teriyaki, chef special,house,black bean & a spicy soy sauce. After it's cooked they put it in another bowl & you take it back to your table. The spicy black bean was yummy. You can make as many trips as you like.They then bring you rice & this flat sesame bread. Then if you can fit anything else you get a choice of ice cream or sherbert. All this for $15. I didn't try the beer I guess I should have tried Mongolian beer if there is such a thing but I couldn't understand a word the waitress said so I just said yes when I heard Amstel. Maybe next time I'll try their beer.

Well it's time for me to start drinking and watching the weather channel all night long. I was tagged by the HighMaintenanceHussy the other day and I intend to do the meme. I'm still coming up with my answers. I should have it ready tomorrow. So be prepared you may get drunken tagged.

Ready to Drink

2005-08-25T23:41:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty much fully recovered and ready to go folks. I am no longer tired and cranky. My antibiotics have worked wonders. My doctor told me not to drink for 10 days to let the antibiotics work their full course. HaHa. 10 days. How fucking silly is that guy? I will give them until tomorrow then I'm getting wasted. Ok I lied, I just stopped this post and went and got a drink. Ahh. I couldn't help it. It's perfect drinking weather, it's 72 degrees. All the windows are open no need for the a/c a nice breeze. A drink perfects the moment. You know what I mean. If you don't know then what the hell are you doing reading my blog, you obviously don't get it. Anyway, I will only have 1 ok maybe 2 drinks tonight then I will get wasted tomorrow. Sounds like a plan to me. I'm off next week so the Bottle King better stock up on all my favorites. Because when I'm on vacation and I don't go anywhere I like to drink. It breaks up the monotony that I call my life. Ok so when I'm on vacation and I do travel somewhere I like to drink. Maybe I just like to drink when I'm on vacation whether I'm home or away. I love vacation, it's the only time it feels ok to drink on a Tuesday afternoon. I mean if I drank on any old regular Tuesday afternoon that might mean I have a problem. But once on vacation a Tuesday afternoon is a must for drinking.

My brain is pretty much in full vacation mode as it is. I went crazy in work today. Like that is something new. I made some guy cry on Monday and he quit. I am so mean, I know. But it's most certainly not the first time I've made a grown man cry and it certainly won't be the last. But it's so much more fun to make co-workers cry than boyfriends. I mean making a boyfriend cry is easy I mean diddy cries everytime he realizes he's stuck with me for the rest of his life. But to make strange men cry just because I'm a tyrannical boss, boy that does my heart good.

Have a great weekend. My drink is done and I need another. Cheers Bitches.

Ah Finally Heavily Medicated

2005-08-22T12:19:00.000-04:00

My doctor gave me so many drugs today I'm like a kid in a candy store. Patsy loves drugs. Drugs for my sticky eye,my achy ear,my sore throat,my yucky cough,my stuffy nose. Now if I could get a good night sleep I'll be just fine.

I have some things to bitch about today. I want to bitch about the fact that they will give anyone a reality television show.

On Sunday after a repeat of the hilarious Tommy Lee show they had a show about Sebastian Bach and his whore wife. Who gives a fuck about Sebastian Bach? What fucking band was he even in, Winger? Give me a damn break is VH1 that desperate to fill a time slot. I had enough of the show when Douchebag's wife went on about how she had to spend money to look good because Sebastian's fans expect her to look as good as him. Honey you can not wash your hair for a year and sleep in my yard and still look better than him. He's a mess, he still thinks it's 1986. His hair is horrific. Who the fuck cares what he or she looks like? He doesn't have any fans it's 2005 no one remembers him, big hair bands are done. So apparently they live somewhere in Jersey. If anyone knows what town, please tell me so I can find them and punch these assbags in the throat then set their fucking house on fire. This show angered me.

Now I have an idea. There is only one couple I want to see with a reality show. Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. I picture it this way. They are spending a nice quiet evening home watching some tv. Richie flips through the channels and comes across Tommy Lee goes to college. As he watches it he realizes that this dirty,retarded jackass has had his dick in his wife. He then looks at Heather and get up and punches her in the neck. As she gasps for air he sits back down and realizes that since he's following in the footsteps of Tommy Lee he'll most likely be banging Pam Anderson soon enough. He jerks off in Heather's face then goes upstairs to tease his hair. I'm not sure how the second episode would go I haven't given it much more thought. I would so continue to watch that show.

Did I ever mention True and I almost had a tv show? It should have been our big break. My brother had a cable access show and was desperate for ratings. I offered the services of the drunken angels as hosts of his show. It was a health show, my brother is a nutrition guru. So the whole idea of the show would have been us traveling all around interviewing health and fitness people while we're totally drunk. As these people are trying to be serious I'd be asking the caloric content of my margarita. Our hitch would be that we're the unhealthiest people alive and we could show you how to do small things to get you healthier without being a nut about it. It would have been so campy. I even had a title On the Road to Good Health, with 2 Jersey Broads. We so could have been famous. But alas things didn't work out, while sober the idea seemed quite bad, while drunk I thought it was brilliant. My brother's cable access show is no more.

Well, with the crap on tv these days True and I could so get people to watch us. I mean people see to like to read about our drunken adventures, and see the drunken pics. And god knows everyone loved to hear us sing at the Mellencamp concert. We may have to rethink this cable access thing.

I'm back but still sick

2005-08-22T02:22:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't been posting but as I mentioned I have been very sick. I couldn't get a doctor's appointment until today and had to suffer without any good drugs. Thanks to all of you for your well wishes for my speedy recovery, you sons of bitches could have at least sent me some drugs. I had to wing it. I figured I had a sinus infection so alcohol will kill an infection so I had to drink alot. NO it didn't work damn it.

But many things have happened while I was feeling like crap.
Some good and some bad.

I have been added to the Madman's Guide to Blog Fun. This is big. This is the creator of the Disgusting Girl Blog, he's a hero of mine and one of the best blogs out there in blog land and he has linked me. Little old drunk me. He says Patsy Darling reminds me of how fun it was to be young, healthy, full of life, and able to drink all night. I love it!
I have already gotten comments from his readers.
* Patsy drinks a toast to Madman

But then along with the good comes the bad.

There was the goodbye of MarriedMan who had created the insane Completely Unrelated to Work blog.This was the Van Wilder of blogs, lots of dick and fart jokes. I thought it was funny.

While I was in la la land, he just up and said goodbye. He said blogging is going to get him fired so he must retire.

This guy wrote a short story involving his blogging friends and this is how I was cast as Character three: Patsy Darling
Patsy is an increasing closer to middle age woman. The only thing she holds onto at this point is drinking with her best friend Deb and getting tattoos of mixed drinks that she blames for her recent outbreak of venereal diseases. She will be playing the part of overly drunk woman who is trying to show marriedman and JFTB (Jodie Foster's Turkey Baster) that she really is worth the money she’s asking for sex, but by the end of the night will give it up for free in an attempt to make friends.

How does he know me so well?

Is this man not a creative genius? In his farewell to me he said and I quote" To Patsy, I wish you were my best friends mom when I was growing up. I would have laid my junior high pipe inside you constantly." Spanks alot MarriedMan I will miss your strange yet highly intriguing tales.
* Patsy drinks a toast to MarriedMan

Possibly the worst thing to happen was a strange Half Naked Hilbilly has entered blogville and has found my site. He calls everyone stoopid batches and his retarded site is near impossible to understand since it's written in hilbilly. He comments on my site under assumed names and thinks he's funny. He offers free tampons to women, why I have no idea? His blog mate is his brother/cousin/dad/possible manly sister who is equally retarded. Is there a way to block hilbilly retards off a blog?
*Patsy drinks a toast to retarded hilbillies. At this point I'll drink to anything. Stoopid Batches.

And just in case you were wondering I didn't get to make it to that damn shower diddy's mom kept going on about. I was too sick. Now isn't that just a damn shame. Thank goodness I had just enough energy to drink all night.
*Patsy drinks a toast to not going to the shower

Oh yeah and that was not my real birthday cake with the Pabst Blue Ribbon Cans, so not my beer. But, I wish I had this one instead,even though I don't drink Bud Lite either it's just cuter. But damn that diddy he didn't bake me one.
*Patsy drinks to drown her sorrows over not getting the really cool birthday cake

My Head Hurts

2005-08-17T23:35:00.000-04:00

Argh I've been hungover, I have a terrible sinus infection and yesterday was my birthday so I haven't been able to post. Here was my birthday cake.

Isn't that classy? The damn thing nearly burned down my trailer. Good thing it didn't because I'm trying to get my double wide on that Trailer Fabulous makeover show.

Oh man it took until Tuesday to fully recover from the Crue concert. Damn I'm getting old. Maybe I should stop drinking. Nah. I'll just have to start taking Mondays off from work.

Today I was sitting in work and Home Sweet Home came on the radio and one of the guys in my office asked if they played this song on Sunday, I'm sure they did but I just can't remember. You know one of these years I'm actually going to go to a concert to see a band play and not get totally hammered. No really I am.

Meatloaf sold out the lawn at PNC all that's left is $40 partially covered seats. Now I like the loaf and all but I would only buy a lawn seat and get totally trashed at his concert. For $40 I could get a lawn seat and still have enough money to eat and drink for 8 hours. Why waste good money on seats when there is a great big lawn for me to pass out on? So sorry Mr Loaf I won't be seeing you this summer. Maybe if you're still alive next summer we can try it again?

And if you haven't seen it make sure to watch Tommy Lee goes to college, it's fecking hysterical.

Crue Concert

2005-08-16T12:11:00.000-04:00

Hmm, let's see. I remember bits and pieces of the Crue concert. I remember it was like 104 degrees while drinking in the parking lot. I remember this whore. Nice outfit. I remember sneaking my camera in the show in my shorts. I remember drinking alot.
I know JV broke 2 lawn chairs. And J set the grass on fire.
True and I on the beer line.
Apparently we were rocking out with the cock out.
Me and JV

Poor drunk girls have no more beer.

I so remember these people True picked them up. I think we'll be seeing them soon. They shared their tequila with us. We liked them.
True angry with the Crue for not playing Smoking in the Boys Room. I don't remember that I just read it on her blog.
Two drunks with the Crue behind us.
At this point the only way I could stand was if someone was holding me.

Ahh Good fucking Times. I so want to go see Meatloaf on the 27th.

Blog Trackers

2005-08-13T13:51:00.000-04:00

You know what I'm talking about. Everyone has all these blog tracking things on their site to see who is reading them and for how long. You can no longer stalk anyone's blog in peace without people bothering you. Well, I put one on my site just to see if people are reading and not commenting. Many people are, I think they are so shocked and appalled by me that they quickly leave.

But I've noticed this tracker leads me back to some odd places. Someone in the US House of Representatives has been perusing my site. That's right our government tax dollars spent on people reading my blog. I think it's this guy Patrick J. Kennedy US House of Representatives, 1st district Rhode Island.

Of course it's a Kennedy reading my drinking site. Guess who his dad is that's right bitches he's Teddy Kennedy's son.
Now it's starting to make more sense. I'm not up on my Kennedy gossip so I'm not sure if Patrick is a booze hound like the old man or not.
So either Patrick is reading my site or Teddy came to visit and was reading my drinking adventures in his son's office so it can't be tracked back to him. Teddy thinks I'm cool I know it. He wishes he could tattoo an alcoholic beverage to his body too. But he may try to drink his. If you're reading this Teddy it's okay, I know you want to hang out with me. You can read my site in peace, the public won't find out. No need to be embarrassed.

Another government office has been popping up quite a bit on my tracker.Someone keeps stopping in from the Governor's office in North Carolina . I think it's this guy. The head honcho Gov. Mike Easley. It's got to be this guy he looks wasted.

Well,I think I better get an even better tracker so I can really find out who reads this stuff.

So I'm still feeling kinda crappy. Today is the hottest day of the year so far in Jersey. Nice and I'm getting a cold. It feels like 107 degrees with heat index and humidity. Tremendous. I'm not leaving the house. Tomorrow is the Crue concert. It's supposed to be 97 degrees hot humid and most likely rain. Oh well we have a tent and I'll be drunk, it will still be good times. Have a good one. I'll be back Monday. Hopefully not too hungover to post pics.

My Armpits & Assorted Things

2005-08-12T00:23:00.000-04:00

Well my armpits are feeling a million times better today. I bet you don't hear that often. Thanks to the advice of the Crazy Cat Woman and her grandma I tried some Gold Bond and got all liquored up. It worked so well in fact that I drank myself silly,there was so much white powder underneath my arms it looked Marion Barry was having a party in there and I took 4 Tylenol Pm and slept like a drunken sailor. I did however forget to turn down the thermostat on my bedroom a/c and woke up with a sore throat today. Another sucky thing to happen to me this week. No sort of luck. I also forget to bitch about my TiVo this week. Since Rockstar INXS moved it's Monday night show to VH1 it confused my TiVo and it didn't record Tuedsay's night show. That's when they sing damn in. I missed it. At least that dirtbag got voted off I hate him.

So I hope my damn throat doesn't hurt this weekend because Sunday is the Motley Crue concert. Tremendous. If you thought there were freaks at Mellencamp wait until I post pics of this. I can't wait. I seem to be in charge of the alcohol again this time. I'm starting to think they pick me because they realize I would never fuck up the alcohol since I love it so much. It was voted on no vodka and lemonade this concert. :(
I know. WTF Everyone keeps saying things like it's a Sunday night I have to work in the morning, I have to get up with my child at 8am.Blah Blah Excuses Excuses HEHE Oh well. I on the other hand don't go to work until like 2pm so I can drink all night, I could care less if I go to work hungover or drunk. So it was decided a 12 pack each. I'm thinking this is not enough for me. I'm debating bringing a small container of vodka and lemonade since I make it so divinely. But the others may covet it. They may want to sniff it and egads they may want me to share it. So I'm not sure.

So any sure fire remedies to get rid of my sore throat so it doesn't inhibit my drinking in any way? CCW what does granny say about sore throats?

I'm Being Punished

2005-08-11T00:10:00.000-04:00

Ok now I have heard horrible things happen in 3's now I'm convinced. First it was diddy's mom, then the cunt from work, now I have been punished by the Gods. How and for what you say. Well, the only Gods that matter to me ,the Gods of Alcohol, are trying to torture me for not drinking enough over the weekend down the shore. They have marked me in the form of a gross rash under my arms.

Yes, I have a big old nasty rash on my damn armpits. I go to the tanning salon and if you ever notice people who tan in salons can't get their armpits to tan. It's impossible in a tanning bed, not enough room to stretch your arms. So I have white armpits compared to my tan body. So this weekend while on the beach I had to put on sunblock under my arms so they wouldn't burn. My sensitive underarms had an allergic reaction to the lotion and this rash has spread like damn wildfire. I have sensitive underarms, who knew, I'm allergic to most deodorant (thank god for Soft and Dri it doesn't bother me) so I have had this rash before. It's terribly uncomfortable in the summer. There is the sweat factor, that can't be helped in 97 degrees,so I apply more deodorant which make it worse, then the cream I have for it is so think and greasy my arms stick to my body. The rash forms at the back of my arms where it connects so there is always rubbing going on.

Oh god it burns, it stings, it itches. Argh.... it hurts.

I fear the only thing I can do is drink to numb the pain.

Hmmmm. That might not be so bad. Let me try it. I think it's my only option.

I Work With the Biggest Fucking Cunt Ever!!!!

2005-08-09T22:47:00.000-04:00

This fucking broad is such a fucking bitch, I fucking hate her. Now I have never blogged about my job well because it's not important enough to make my blog. Enough said. But tonight my panties are in a big old twist so I'm going off.

I work for a large international corporation.(I'm not going into any specifics because I can't afford to get fired from my job over a blog) My building is split into numerous small offices which each operate like their own separate company. So I have little contact with people who work in other offices. I do however have to deal with the fucking cunt on a regular basis. Her job is to collect things from each office at night & handle everything for the entire building. Obviously this job is too much for her. Yesterday & today she called me up as I'm on my way out the door to say she didn't get all my stuff. I'm like yeah here is the control #'s for this and that it's right in front of you double check. So last night she hung up without her usual nasty attitude & I assumed she found what she was looking for. Until today I get to work and I have a nasty email saying my stuff was missing last night. I called the day person & she's like yeah Patsy it's sitting right here where it's supposed to be. That fucking cunt didn't even look for it. So tonight I'm about to leave & the phone rings. I just know it's her. So she says I'm missing 1 thing tonight. I was like let me check, no I sent it, there were 2 pieces & my clerk brought them to her. So she starts getting nasty saying it's not her job to search all over for my stuff. So I remind her it's my job to do it,have it sent to her & I'm done. She is supposed to process everything & I can't walk over to the other building to help her do her job. So I tell her that I checked with the day clerk & all my stuff that she supposedly couldn't find last night is in her area. So she starts blaming everyone she works with saying they must have moved it. She can't admit she made a mistake. So now she starts to get all bitchy & is like well I can come up right now & we can settle this for good. Oh it's on them is some fighting words.

Now let me tell you about this bitch. She writes up a report after every conversation she has with anyone at work. If anyone doesn't do what she tells them to do she writes up a report on them. She doesn't even have any power to order anyone around that always kills me. So everyone in our building has had a problem with her. All management,office people,clerks & union employees. But she gets away with her cuntiness because as she says she is an educated black woman and she plays this card every chance she gets. Now I could care less if she's black or not but don't throw that shit in my face. I'm an educated white woman I can match you toe to toe. She doesn't even just play the race card with white people she does it to other black people. They go crazy. One of the few women I like there is a semi-ghetto black chick who wants to jack this bitch's ass up. Her words not mine.

So I call up my ally tonight the ghetto chick & tell her the deal. She then tells me Miss Thing (as we like to call her) had another fight with a girl in her office & asked to have her hours changed because she can't get along with her co-worker. So instead of finally bringing this bitch to HR they ask another person in the office if he will change his shift & pretty much his entire job duties to accommodate this cunt. He told them to fuck off she needs to get along with other people there. No one will stand up to this bitch. It's insane. So after tonight's incident I voicemailed her boss & call my boss at home to tell him to fix this bullshit. I'm not dealing with it.

Why do other people have to deal with this shit? If one person has a problem with every single person at their work place wouldn't someone say hey maybe this bitch is the problem. No everytime she has a problem with someone they call you up & are like you need to be more sensitive in dealing with her. WTF She is not sensitive in dealing with anyone. She is totally unprofessional with her rudeness & will make sarcastic comments then hang up on you. This is so stupid. This may be more ridiculous than diddy's mom was this weekend.

Are You Fucking With Me?

2005-08-09T00:46:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned in my previous post diddy's mom was out of her mind this weekend. Now I didn't go into detail because I didn't want to go off about his mom & have him read it but he agreed before his mom was so fucking annoying this weekend. So I figure that gives me the green light to go on with my own rant. Now I must preface this by saying I like his mom a whole lot,she is normally a very nice lady. But at times like this weekend she can be way too much.

So we head down the shore Friday night after I get out of work,we were on the road by 10pm. I live in north Jersey,Wildwood is at the other end of the state,it's a 2 1/2 drive with no traffic. So we expected to be there by 12:30-1am. So we're not even half way there & his cell rings. It's his mom,she had already called him 3 times before I got home. So she's like where are you? He tells her we're on the Parkway & we'll be there when we get there. So as we're maybe 30 miles from Wildood his phone rings,his mom again,she babbles some nonsense. As we're about to get off the exit the phone rings. Guess who? He just throws the phone towards me & is like you deal with her. So I tell her we are just about to get off the exit. It's still another 15 minutes or so. So she says she & his stepdad are standing outside on the street waiting for us. Ok. Do we need an escort? So when we get a block from the hotel she's on the corner trying to flag us down. Yes we see you. So she starts waving us to the parking spot she stood outside for who knows how long to save for us. I'm sure we could have found a spot on our own. So we go upstairs an start to drink. Believe me we needed it.

So in the morning we wake up,change & head down to the beach. About 45 minutes later she comes running up to us on the beach. She's like you don't have your phones on. I don't bring my phone to the damn beach. She brings us muffins. We're like we have breakfast & each hold up a bottle. So she tells us everyone is by the pool & we can come up to hang out with them. Yes we know but since we're down the shore & drove 2 & 1/2 fucking hours I want to lay on the god damn beach. Is that okay? 45 minutes later she comes back. Who knows for what I think to tell us she saved us chairs by the pool. Yes we know. So after like 4 1/2hours on the beach we decide to head back. Yes I am transparent the cooler was empty. So we head up to the pool where she had reserved seats for us. Diddy's seat being right next to momma. So we're sitting there & she asks me what we're doing this weekend because diddy's best friend & his wife are having brunch on Sunday & we're invited. He had already responded to the invite letting them know we're busy we're going to the Motley Crue concert. His mom is like you don't have to go there come to brunch with us. No I don't think so. My friends & I bought tickets 5 months ago & have had this planned. I'm not canceling. She kept it up. Then she was like well on the 20th there is a coed baby shower for diddy's best friend's brother & his wife. This is her 3rd baby, a shower is tacky. I mention to her that the 20th may be the day my sister is having a party for me. It's a tradition my oldest sister has a birthday party for me & my nephew. Then she said you know you're family isn't having a party for you & they aren't going to get you gifts anyway so why go. Oh no she didn't. Oh yeah she did. She went there. Now I'm the 1st one to admit I have issues with my family. We're not very close I haven't spoke to my one brother for over 8 months. I go for long periods trying to avoid my mom. So I don't think it's cool for someone else to rub it in my face that I'm not close with my family. So now I'm pissed but she kept going. All day about the damn brunch & that stupid fucking shower.

So later that night we go to the boardwalk. Everytime we wandered off on our own the cell phone would ring. Where did you go? Why did you leave us? Oh God. So some of his cousins are going on this one coaster, the Sea Serpent. So his mom was going crazy trying to see where he was sitting on the ride. She was like oh there he is second row & ran off to tell everyone. Like he is the 1st person in the world to ever ride a roller coaster. So she comes up to me and keeps putting her hand up to her mouth & saying oh my god what did we do? I was like what the fuck are you talking about? She said why did we let him go on that ride, it's dangerous. I almost went crazy. I was like look enough is enough this is getting fucking ridiculous. She was like oh my baby. I'm like you need to get a fucking grip lady. He's not a fucking baby he's 29 he's all grown up now. I was like this is stupid. So someone mentioned that people got trapped on this particular ride last year upside down for 6 hours,she almost went spastic. She was like what would we do it my son got trapped? Her husband was like we know you would try to scale the ride to save him so me & Patsy will go back to the hotel,call us if you need a ride. It was like she was putting on a show for the family because I've never seen her like that.

On Sunday I was pissed no booze left & it was cloudy. We went to the beach to catch whatever sun was out. It got real cloudy so we started to head up to the pool. Half way up the beach guess who we ran into? That's right, she was coming to find us to tell us that we could sit by the pool with everyone else. Why do we need her to fucking tell us this? If we want to come to the pool we fucking will. So it started to thunder after a while & we headed up to take showers to get ready to leave. As we're leaving she insisted on walking us to the car. So we put our stuff in the car & go back to say goodbye to the family. She could have waited upstairs but no she went to the car with us. So as we're saying goodbye to his uncle he tells her to be strong when her son leaves. I think he realized what an ass she was all weekend & was poking fun at here. She didn't care she & walked us back down to the car. It was like we're never going to fucking see this woman again. It was horrible.

So on the way home we hit traffic because everyone was trying to leave the rainy shore at once. So I take a nap & 20 minutes into my snooze guess fucking what the phone rings. Jesus Fucking Christ. It was her she wanted to know where we were? Are you fucking with me? He's like we're sitting in traffic not even half way home. She's like the sun came back out here. Were we supposed to turn around & go back?What the fuck? Oh god I know this was so long but my god there was no end to her madness this weekend.

I was duped. Duped, I say duped.

2005-08-08T03:48:00.000-04:00

Well, this is how my weekend went. I was tricked. That's right tricked. I was lured down the shore under false pretenses. I was told we were going to Wildwood. Then I was informed we were staying in Wildwood Crest. I had heard earlier this week that Wildwood Crest was a dry town but then I was told no that's wrong there is liquor flowing. But oh no I heard right the first time. It's dry. A dry dry town. What the fuck is up with that? Why would an entire town not sell liquor? It's fucking nuts. Not a drop of liquor to be found anywhere in the hotel. So thank fucking god I convinced diddy to fill two coolers with booze. Because once you park down the shore there is no moving your car for the weekend. Parking is tough. It's tougher than finding alcohol in the crest apparently. So here I am stranded in a dry town. Argh. So diddy and I go to the beach to drink and roast.Everyone else has bottles of water, we have bottles of Mike's Hard Limes and Berries. I am the sun goddess. I am so going to be the old lady from There's Something About Mary all wrinkled up from tanning. Well, that won't happen for at least 5 years so I'm good. We brought the cooler to the beach and had to sneak the alcohol . We had to pour it in cups. No bottles allowed on the beach. This is why I hate the Jersey shore. Open beverage containers are illegal. That sucks. What harm would there be if I was allowed to walk around the boardwalk or beach with a plastic cup full of beer? No fucking harm so it's a stupid fucking law. So after a good sweltering 4 hours at the beach we head to the pool. Ok the booze in the cooler was done so we had to head back. So we're at the pool and diddy's family is there. Afterall they did pay for the room so I can't complain. So diddy's mom seriously asked me if I drink during the week and seemed concerned if I drink during work. Why would I waste good alcohol while I'm working? I so need it when I come home from work. So I have to think she was getting at do I have a problem with alcohol? The only fucking problem I have with alcohol is that I ran out on Sunday and diddy wouldn't take me to the liquor store. Sons of bitches. I had a nice long chat with diddy's stepdad and he told me I obviously don't have a drinking problem because I drink beer not hard liquor. I always knew I liked that guy for a reason.
So to make up for running out of liquor I have been drinking all night. Thank god for spell check there was like 100 typos. Oops. It fucking rained today so I only got like an hour and a half at the beach today. Damn it. But I did get some good color. And if you're heading down to Wildwood anytime soon be prepared. It's totally ghetto and sleazy now. It's turned into Seaside. Eww. I took some pictures of the beach this weekend but who knows the fuck where they are. Maybe I'll post them tomorrow if I can find them. I really want to go off about diddy' mom. She was way too much this weekend. But he reads my blog so I'll be nice. You know what she did diddy and it had nothing to do with the alcohol comments. That doesn't bother me I get that all the time from my own family. I don't think I have anything else to say. I'll say something next time when I'm sober bitches.

Oh and I so want to thank all of you who offered to take the role of Sabrina the old lady angel. You guys rock. And a shout out to the guy who said he was digging the old angel the best.

Angel Pics

2005-08-05T00:45:00.000-04:00

These are some of the pics of the angels in action. HaHa. Diddy was kind enough to scan these for me.

Well, I'm off to Wildwood for the weekend. Diddy's Aunt & Uncle have kindly rented suites for the weekend for the entire family. So that means I have a free room which gives me more money for alcohol.

Have a great weekend!! I know I will.

Calling all Angels

2005-08-04T10:07:00.000-04:00

I have mentioned that I am 1/2 of an elite drinking team what but you don't know was that at one point in time I was 1/3 of an elite drinking team dubbed "The Drinking Angels". It all started years ago when True Jersey Girl & I became a drinking force to be reckoned with. We were known as Jack and Daniels. We spent many a drunk weekend proving what a dynamic drinking duo we were. Then one day we met a big haired blonde who liked to drink a lot. We thought we had become the luckiest drunks around to find another who shared our love of alcohol. As we started to hang out we were no longer a duo, we quickly became the Drinking Angels. We would even do the Charlie's Angels pose. Oh god what were we thinking? My scanner is retarded so I can't post it just now. We used to hang out at this lodge type of place & there was an old drunk who thought he was Bosley & would yell " my angels" & we would quickly take our drunken stances. Now until this day I have an issue with which angel I was. True became Jacklyn Smith .And Stacy(we no longer talk to her so she needs no alias) decided she would be Farrah Fawcett because she had big blonde hair. Fine so I took one for the team and took the part of Kate Jackson. The old broad. WTF. That still pisses me off till this day but whatever. We would be at parties or at bars & we would either hear angels or angels unite in the form of alcohol kinda like the wonder twins and we would assemble. So one night True tells us she has a gift for each of us angels. She got us these cool angel necklaces to wear when we are together.
So eventually we realized Stacy was a total flake. Not in a good way either she took some kind of meds & all the alcohol had a weird affect on her. And at the time I dumped by boyfriend F&A (fat & annoying) & since her hubby was friends with him she really didn't speak to me much. So she just kinda disappeared out of the angel squad. We thought we should have asked her for the angel necklace back but that might appear tacky.

So True & I started having girls night out every Friday at this local bar. There we met what we thought was one of the coolest chicks ever. The waitress/bartender Gena who seemed to be so in awe of us, how could we not like her? She desperately wanted on the angel squad. We decided we needed to see her in a different setting, not in a bar where she is plying us with free drinks, that so tips the scale in her favor. So she invites us to see her brother band play at some dive bar on her birthday. Even though it's her birthday she is buying all the drinks. We so liked this girl. But it turns out she too had many many issues. She had stalkers & she dated her married customers. I so liked her for a special reason as well. She had short dark hair & so fit the part of Kate Jackson. I was finally going to be Farrah. Then we had to cut her loose. She became flaky when she found out True was pregnant & I had just started to date diddy & she seemed jealous. So our cool bartender was no more. By time True had her daughter Princess, Gena no longer bartended at our favorite hangout.
So since then we have thought of holding auditions for the 3rd angel but no one ever seems right. True's hub keeps telling us that he told us from the beginning we are a team of 2 & only 2 & we don't need a third to help us drink. And then there were 2.(Thank fucking god for True the best friend a girl could ever have)
So we have decided that True had to breed the 3rd Angel. Princess. The most adorable child alive. In say 16-18 years when she is allowed to drink & hoping she's not too embarrassed by us she will start her role.

She's already used to laying on the bar. That's a total pre-requisite.

And a true angel always goes for the alcohol. She's so trying to snatch that drink from diddy. Until she is old enough Princess will have to be taught the ways of the angels. Well, she can so start getting beers out of the fridge in a couple of years. That will be a great help. I wonder how old a child has to be before she can make a margarita?

For some reason when we drink we feel the need to wear insane costumes

2005-08-02T03:08:00.000-04:00

These pics are not Halloween pics. This is how my friends and I dress when we party.
We wear our drinking helmets,so when we fall we don't hurt ourselves.
Some people wear strange little helmets and why are we wearing flower leis?
Beads, we are bead whores.
I have dressed as a Mardi Gras whore on several occasions.Only once for Halloween.
This is not Mardi Gras this is me True and her hub on Bourbon St on St Patty's Day.

True & I with the biggest meanest scariest looking motorcycle cop in Nawlins,he was very nice.

We often wear pimp hats when we hang out in True's basement/bar.

Yes, yes True's husband is wearing a crab hat.

True's cousin wearing yes of all things a full pimp outfit. He has a bitch be good stick and everything. He has worn that several times once while walking the streets of Queens.
Diddy in a pimp hat.

True's hub sporting his gator hat.

Diddy joined a gang while we were in San Fran.

Our Wicked Awesome friend from Bastan has started his very own gang.

Yes,we drunk rollerskate as well while wearing get this only 1 skate each.
Even Fabio dresses up when he hangs out with us.

Drunken Mellencamping

2005-07-30T02:02:00.000-04:00

I've had many requests to post the audio from our drunken Mellencamp night,so without further ado I give you fucked up Jersey people singing Mellencamp badly. Most of the audio came out bad at the end, audioblogger sucks, but it's free. So whatever. Pink Houses is posted twice after this because one version is better than the other but in the one you can hearTrueJerseyGirl talking,too funny. I knew she would want to hear it loud and clear.

I present to you the vocal stylings of True Jersey Girl,Patsy & J(the guy with puke in his goatee)performing Pink Houses by John Mellencamp. (he can be heard in the background)

This is so bad, good drunken times. I feel so bad for the people sitting anywhere near us. The end of the audio is just fucked up I tried it twice and it's retarded both times so it's not me.

Jack & Diane and I quote"John Cougar Fucking Rules"

This is our progression through the concert it goes from bad to just plain fucked up. We are singing in most of these so now you know why we messed up most of the lyrics. We all know his songs by heart but give us each a 12 pack, a margarita ball, a big frozen margarita, and a couple of bottles of beer and well you've heard.

This version you can hear True Jersey saying how John Mellencamp wrote this for her,she is convinced he wrote this fucking song for her.

The Time I Threw Up in My Hands( A little Long But So Worth It)

2005-07-28T01:25:00.000-04:00

Well, I knew it was inevitable. I knew I would get to tell this story to the blogging world. So I always thought I had one of the best hey remember that time I threw up in my hands stories. None of my friends had thrown up in their hands until recently when my friend J threw up in his hands in the back of the car on the way home from Mellencamp. He opened the window & threw the puke out the window while they were doing like 65-70 on the Pkwy. Here he is with a bit of puke still in his goatee. Nice.

So back in the day my friends & I would go off to the city for these cool bar crawls. So we went to one on the Upper West Side.It's a stretch of Amsterdam from 73rd to 79th st & there are just bars & restaurants lining the street. You pay $10 & you bring a can of food for homeless people,they give you a wrist band & a drinking cup. They give you a map of all the bars that participate & it's $1 Bud & Bud Lite(yuck),$2 bottles of Smirnoff Ice or one of those malt drinks,discounted shots &drink specials in every bar. So it just so happens on this lovely spring afternoon Smirnoff is sponsoring the crawl. They were just introducing the new line of Twist vodkas. Yes this is like 3 years ago. So we start drinking at like 1-2 in the afternoon. So we find this bar that has $1 shots of Smirnoff Twist Vodka. It came with a souvenir shot glass from Smirnoff so it was financially correct. Well turns out we were doing warm vodka shots. Now I may be a big drinker but shots are not my strong suit. I should have known doing warm vodka shots would get ugly but as usual I'm no pussy & I drank them, alot of them. So we continue to go bar to bar imbibing anything we can get our hands on & we end up in the mother of all places. Bourbon Street.We're pretty much tanked it's like oh I don't know maybe 4pm the latest. So I see beads. Yep you know it,I'm at the bar and ask the bartender for some. He's like come on honey you know you gotta show some to get some. So I just unzipped my shirt revealing only my lacy bra, didn't show boobs but much cleavage & I proudly get my beads. At one point we were picking up strange men. This you think would be normal but no I Deb & I were picking up men just to buy us drinks. Her husband (who is extremely jealous)& my ex boyfriend fat & annoying were standing there convincing us to pick up these men. Well,they figured it costs a hell of alot to keep two drunk broads drunk so if other men would foot the bill for a while they didn't mind. At this point everyone realizes how wasted we were & said we need to get some food.I don't remember eating anything that whole day. So they bring us to this restaurant called West Side Grill or something. As we are walking there I remember saying dude this is so fucking awesome it's still daylight & I'm so fucking drunk. After that I remember small bits and pieces. What you are about to hear has been pieced together for me by my friends.
We're inside this restaurant which was part of the crawl. Deb & I were having trouble reading the menu because we were retarded drunk. So our infamous line "I CAN'T SEE READ ME THE MENU" is still laughed at to this day. So at this point they say I started turning green & then I put my hand up to my mouth & tried to make it to the bathroom, but oh no it's too late. Arghh * Patsy vomits in her hands*. *Vomit flies out through her fingers* Some lady gets the waitress's attention to clean up puke off the floor & let her know I vomited in my hands. HaHa. I ended up in the bathroom for hours before I was even somewhat coherent. I puked in my purse & all over my purse. Deb being the good friend she is tried to clean it but it was a lost cause. Another piece of my wardrobe damaged by vomit. Damn It. So they carry me to the door where they let me walk on my own out the front door & I fall down & go boom. I fell in front of a cop. He thought it was amusing as long as I wasn't the designated driver. While the boys went to fetch the car they left me,Deb & her cousin with the cop for safe keeping. He said I was the funniest drunk he met all day. Yeah me.Some other friends were on there way into the city at this point to meet us but had to be told Patsy threw up in her hands & we have to take her home. It was like 8pm. I'm such a loser.
So we get back to Jersey & they bring me into my apt. They leave me on the bathroom floor & go out drinking. I expect nothing less from my friends I have done this in the past as well. They ended up at some Mexican Cantina drinking margaritas & exchanging military secrets. Deb said she apologized profusely our friend who drove up from VA for such a short afternoon. Hell he said it was fucking awesome. He thought it was good times. When they came back later to see if I was alive, I had changed in my jammies,took off all my jewelry & put myself to bed. I'm such a good drunk.

How fucking sick was this guy?

2005-07-26T00:05:00.000-04:00

Now I'm quite sure by now everyone has heard about this.

Death Of Man Prompts Investigation Of Animal Issues

(Seattle, WA) -- The King County Medical Examiner's Office has released details as to the cause of death of a 45-year-old Puyallup man July 2nd. Sheriff's spokesman John Urquhart says the man died after engaging in sex-acts with a horse. Authorities believe the man had the encounter at a rural southeast King County farm that is suspected to be a gathering place for individuals who have sex with livestock and domestic animals. The man was dropped off at a local hospital the evening of July 2nd with profuse rectal bleeding. A perforated colon was listed as the cause of death. While bestiality is not a crime in Washington, investigators are looking for any illegal activity at the farm, including animal cruelty. The man's death is being called an accident.

What the fuck was this guy thinking? And how much could he possibly have had to drink. I mean I've done some weird shit while drinking. I mean check this out.

I had porno style sex with Fabio in my friends bar.

True Jersey Girl and I built tremendous drinking helmets so when we fall down we don't hurt ourselves.

Mine is the one the right with the black halo of course.It's hard to see in this pic.

I've made fun of American Idol contestant Constantine on a drunken guest blog and even had my drunken pouty Constantine wannabe face posted on the internet.

I'm often bewildered when I've been drinking.

I've even lost my head now and again.

I've danced wildly with strange men.

Sometimes two.

I have thrown up in my hands but thank god there are no pics of that.

So my point is you just don't have sex with animals when you're drunk. I mean having doggie style sex with Fabio is pretty much the worst thing you can do. This guy must be totally fucked up in the head. And now he's all fucked up in the ass.

Vegas Pics

2005-07-21T00:47:00.000-04:00

That's me and some random Elvis guy on the strip. I tipped him $2 and he took 2 pics with me. What a nice man.

Check this shit out, it's a Piano Rig. This guy was playing his piano on the back of a truck on Fremont ST.

That's me and diddy with our Giraffe. Yum, beer!!!!

Ahh, the Giraffe in all it's glory.

Damn that diddy trying to hog all the beer.

There's that damn tat again.

Diddy and I all romantic with our drinks in front of Caesar's Palace.
The King

Patsy resting her drunk ass in front of the Venetian.
Totally wasted on Fremont, check out my 40oz

Oh No! What the hell was I doing?
Does anyone else notice I am drinking in every damn picture?
Diddy and I in front of the waterfall at the Wynn

Ah the perfect ending.

The Unveiling

2005-07-19T23:29:00.000-04:00

I bet some of you didn't think my margarita tattoo existed. Well, I finally got the damn thing to fit on a photo host.

That's my tattoo outside the Mellencamp concert. Isn't it special. It has a lime wedge on the glass and little party streamers around it, you really can't see them. I have a party going on, on my leg. That is such a pick up line believe you me. The 1st night I got my tat in Vegas we were in a strip club & I was like hey ladies I have a party on my leg. They all flocked to me. Well, maybe they all flocked to me because they were man hating lesbians. Whatever. It's an attention getter. Although it attracts more women than men. Oh damn it I got a lesbian friendly tattoo. WTF?

Oh and by the way I read True Jersey's blog today and apparently I was drunker than I thought Saturday. Because there are pics on there I so do not remember. At some point some strange woman crashed on our blanket!! I totally missed that. How I don't know. There's something about thongs. That's all a blur. I do remember befriending some freak wearing a shirt made out of all neckties. It was totally hippie-chick. I have a weird recollection of my friends helping out stranded drunk people in the parking lot after the concert. And I remember my friend J totally trying to bang the mother-duo on the blanket in front of us. Those chicks so hated us.

And the video of the concert doesn't have us dancing. You can only hear us singing,screeching,giggling,talking the entire time. I'm still trying to convince True it's a bad idea to post that damn sound clip. How embarassing!!!!

My Weekend in Review

2005-07-18T23:26:00.000-04:00

Well, I know you're all dying to hear about Mellencamp. The concert was tremendous. Strike that tailgating was really tremendous. The concert let me think...hmmmm *Patsy scratches her head. I kinda remember it. Yeah yeah that was great too. It was a good day. It looked like rain but it never rained, it was hot but not too humid and the perfect day for drinking. Although as some guy pointed out to me on line for the porto potty everyday is a good day for drinking. Amen to that my fellow drunken brother.

So here is us chilling in the lot, notice we're not too drunk yet. This is my Cuervo ball filled with lemonade and vodka. And as always my recipe was perfect so perfect in fact that you can't taste anything but lemonade and it gets you all sorts of fecked up. Well, we drank for 5 hours before heading in to see Fogerty. We heard he was really good so we figured we'd catch the end of his set. Well, that and the lemonade and vodka was pretty much all gone so why not head into the concert. So we made our way in, True Jersey snuck in her camera and away we went to the beer stand. On our way into the concert the boys had to pee,here's True knocking on the door. So we catch like maybe 5-6 songs by Fogerty. Mostly his CCR stuff pretty cool. He was good. Then like 20 minutes later Mellencamp came on and opened with Lonely Old Night. Now this is mine and True's song. Last Mellencamp concert like 2-3 years ago we go hammered and sang this to each other. So Saturday night was no different. True's hubby videotaped the whole damn thing so there is actual live video of us drunk off our asses and singing totally out of tune, more like screaming I'm told and dancing moranically. Good times. So Mellencamp as always put on a great show. Here is what we looked like by the end of the show.
Mellencamp puts on a great show because he plays all his classics. He doesn't try to stick new songs in that no one knows, he stays true to his audience and plays all the stuff you want to hear. So there is no need to sit for any reason. You must be up, screaming, singing and having fun the whole time. So after the show we head back out and finish drinking some more until the state troopers throw us out.

There were 2 cars so on the ride home we're in the next lane from our friends and we keep seeing flashes in the car. They were taking damn pictures. So we're like what the fuck are they taking pics of? Turns out our one friend J was so hammered he threw up in his hands then opened the window and threw it out as they were driving up the Parkway. Too Fucking funny. I am no longer the only person I know who threw up in their own hands. I was lonely owning that spot by myself for all these years, now I have company. Remind me to tell that story when I threw up in my hands in a restaurant in the city a couple of years ago. That deserves it's own post believe me. As we pull up to True's house her hub is hosing off the side of the truck. There are pics of J with puke in goatee I have to see those. There is also a pic of my Margarita tat tailgating in the parking lot but it's too large for Flickr to upload. Damn you flickr. I'll have to resize it. Turns out True's hub took like 250 pics of the day. Oh man 250 drunken insanity photos plus the video of most of the concert where True and I were screaming out of tune. I'll get that disk this weekend and if there are pics that don't embarass me too much I'll post some.

So all and all it was good times. Although anytime me and my friends get together for any reason it's always good times. WE are good times so how could anywhere we would be suck? It can't it's a physical impossibility.

Off to see Mellencamp

2005-07-15T12:09:00.000-04:00

Well, I'll post now in case you don't hear from me again for a couple of days. Mellencamp is tomorrow night. We're leaving at like 1pm of course for a 7pm concert. Plenty of good tailgaiting. As I said before I in in charge of the booze. So I had to go to like 5 different liquor stores to find 12 packs or a case of Mike's Hard Lime. I called a liquor warehouse that's in my childhood hometown,we'll call that place WhiteTrash Central. So I call this place up and it is indeed a warehouse and they're all out of Limes. Feck. So I try my regular liquor store Habib and Hindude only have 6 packs. Sure I'll carry 6- 6packs around. Try again. I try 2 more places near here. Nada. One joint never even heard of the Limes. So I try one more place before I have to drive like 10-15 minutes to a Bottle King. All hail Bottle King cuz of course they have cases and 12's as far as the eye can see. So now I grab a case and throw a 12 pack on top and trudge up to the counter to pay. So the retarded cashier chick says how many 6-packs in a case. I'm like umm is this a trick question or does she need to know the answer for her special ed math class. So, I'm like 4. So she rings up 4-6 packs which is much more expensive than a case. And I'm like nope, you need to charge me for a case Special Edna not 4 6-packs. She's like yeah but you're buying 4 6-packs. Oh boy. I'm like no I'm buying 1 case and 1 12-pack. So ring it up that way. So she tried to argue with me. She then says my total is like $55 and change. LADY, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND!!!! So I insist on a manager coming over to agree with me. So some pencil neck geek in a clip on tie comes over and is like maam what's the problem. HEY DOUCHEBAG THE PROBLEM IS SPECIAL EDNA HERE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO RING UP MY BOOZE PROPERLY. So I explain the situation and he looks at her like are you for fucking real fucknuts and proceeds to show her how to charge me properly for my beverages. Thank fucking god the pimply geek manager was there to save the day. So it ended up being like $44 which is more like it. DUMB FUCKING STUPID SALES BITCH. What the fuck!!!!! I always get the stupid cashier,waitress,gas attendants etc.. It never fucking fails.

So I may be too hung over to post Sunday no clue. I'll let everyone know all about Mellencamp's show. I think he's pretty good in concert. I've seen him before but can't remember much besides drinking all day, peeing in the woods, seeing the Blair Witch in the woods because I had to go so far to pee so no one would hear me. I have pee anxiety. I can't even think about peeing if anyone can hear me. So I walked so far into the woods that I almost go lost on the way back. I even remembered to bring a blacket this time to sit on the lawn. Last time we crashed on strangers blankets and drank their beer. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a hell of a day. Everyone have a great weekend.

Oh and I promise to post Vegas pics by Monday. Diddy did something to the printer dock and it's saying port not found. So I have to fix it, isn't that great the drunk is the technical genius in the relationship.

A Very Strange Comment

2005-07-14T22:44:00.000-04:00

On my last blog about my Vegas drinking trip I got a strange comment. Some of you may have seen it. It said something about it seems like I really drink a lot or something to that affect. Now, I appreciate each and every comment I get on my blog. I'm thrilled that anyone would even spend 2 seconds of their day reading the insane things I have to say. So with that in mind I'm not saying anything bad about the person who made that comment. But what would anyone expect from a site whose title is Drinks Well With Others? I clearly mention in my description that I have a cocktail tattooed on my leg & I'm one 1/2 of an elite drinking team whose dream consists of opening a bar in N'awlins. So why would anyone be surprised I drink alot? That's what I like to do and I'm pretty damn good at it. It's my hobby. Some people scrapbook I drink. If there's such a thing as drunk scrapbooking sign me up. As long as booze is involved I'm there.

I live by 1 motto My liver is evil and it must be punished. I was originally going to call this site The Diary of a Slowly Dying Liver but that was too over the top. I thought that made my liver sound way too drama-queenish! As I have said before I am a highly functioning fun alcoholic. I go to work everyday, I pay my bills & live a relatively normal life. But my life contains much more alcohol that most peoples. When I come home from a tough day of work I no longer concern myself that it's a Tuesday and I shouldn't be drinking alcohol. I think damn it, I work hard for my money so hard for it honey. * que the Donna Summer classic in the back ground* *Patsy then starts dancing around the house as she sings. Oh wait that's something different. Anyway.

This weekend is the Fogerty/Mellencamp concert boys & girls, been waiting for this for a while. Guess what I'm in charge of bringing for the tailgaiting? Yep I'm in charge of the booze. There are 7 of us total with 2 designated drivers. So that's 6 drinking heavily. The one designated driver is designated to drink most of the day and try to sober up by concert end. So we figure 3-12 packs of Mike's hard Limes & 3-12 packs of Amstel Light. And a Margarita Ball filled with Vodka and Lemonade. Do you think that's enough for 6 people? Last time we saw Mellencamp we got so trashed in the parking lot before the concert we forget chairs & blankets for the lawn. All we were worried about was getting in for more beer. Good times.

I'm baaackk!!!!!

2005-07-12T23:58:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah I'm back and I'm seriously hung over. My flight got in last night around 10pm so I had enough time to come home lay on the couch, curse the drinking gods, go to sleep then get up to go back to work. No time to download pics yet but I assure you they will be here before the weekend. I took pics of my margarita tat in various places around Vegas so it will kind of be like that garden gnome that people travel with and take pics of. My comments will be so here's my cocktail tat next to my 40oz on Fremont St. Oh yeah that's my tat outside the fountains of Bellagio. Etc.

Vegas was tremendous as always and HOT! 110 when I left, nice. So I just tried to stay cool, trudging into bar after bar (hey they're well air-conditioned)& keeping myself hydrated. I drank plenty of frozen margaritas & tried to drink alot of light beer, it's almost like drinking water I figure. So as I'm dragging my ass down the strip I see all sorts of freaks jogging by & all kinds of big fatties drinking giant vats of water. I had a yard of margarita. Ha, who's the dummy now you water drinking bitches, that kept me cool. I did see the full actual yard glasses that you had to strap to yourself to help you carry it,I think I need one of those.

Fat Elvis was a bust. He apparently called out sick & there was a Dean Martin lookalike there. That sucked. Although Fat Elvis did not appear, the bar there had 50 cent drinks in the lounge. 50 cents for Sam Adams not for Bud Lite or Rolling Rock real beer 50 cents. Elvis sent me there for a reason. He wanted me to drink for next to nothing. Obviously diddy and I spent a bit of time there. Ok so most of the afternoon. But come on it was like 107 that day and the place was well air-conditioned. We also found this other dive that sold $1 margaritas and $1 20 oz. bottles of Michelob Ultra. $1 now that is financially correct. We stopped in this joint numerous times throughout the weekend. I went to the Elvis-O-Rama museum and caught the show. The guy was pretty good. I saw numerous random Elvis impersonators on the strip. I love that. Random Elvis's. They should be everywhere not just Vegas. Of course I have several pics of me and different Elvis's. They'll be posted as well.

I didn't get to see Wayne Newton, diddy didn't get me tickets for the show. I'm quite upset and I let him know this. I think I made him feel bad. Oh well we got drunk and he got over it. Saturday night was off to Fremont St. I was trashed. Diddy's cousins were there from San Jose, I think I made a great first impression.(HA-HA) I kept stopping to buy drinks, I came out of one of the liquor stores with a 40 oz of Mike's Hard Lime and his one cousin almost fainted. They had no idea I was a professional. So needless to say Sunday was a bad hangover. Well, like a trooper I got up dusted myself off(because I slept on the street, JUST KIDDING) and had the hair of the dog that bit me. I started drinking at like noon maybe earlier & continued on until we hit the Monte Carlo Brew Pub. Now this folks is a place put here on Earth by the drinking Gods. It's the greatest place on Earth. They serve what is called a giraffe and it's actually a beer container that holds the equivalent of 10 beers and has it's own tap to dispense. This giraffe sits proudly on your table to let others know you are a true drinker. I always get the giraffe of High Roller Red. I like a bite to my beer. So diddy and I get a giraffe for the 2 of us. We also had 2 appetizers and 2 sandwiches and the bill was like $60. This giraffe is like $26. Once again finacially correct. How could you go wrong? So diddy and I teetered out of this joint and headed back to our hotel New York New York and finished up the night at the bar with the dueling pianos. I just love dueling pianos. Oh I must add diddy made himself throw up & was done drinking for the night. Meanwhile I held mine in, drank until the bar closed then went to pass out. Ah the perfect weekend.

Vegas Baby Vegas

2005-07-07T20:36:00.000-04:00

Well,first of all I would like to thank True Jersey Girl for introducing me. I would like to thank her loyal readers who came by to check me out. Thanks for the comments. Hopefully you liked what you read. And thanks to my few but oh so special readers who found me on their own and keep coming back to say hey. I didn't really have time to blog much this week, although I've been trying to ready everyone else's.

I'm off to Vegas tomorrow so I've been a bit busy, packing and daydreaming about the greatest place on Earth. I don't think I'll get a new cocktail tat while I'm there but you never know. It's a well deserved long weekend in one of my favorite places courtesy of my man Diddy. For our 2 year anniversary he gave me a fabulous new Coach bag(which he picked out all by himself) and inside were tickets to Vegas. What a good boy he is. I'm hoping I get tickets to Wayne Newton as a surprise as well, got my fingers crossed. Wayne Newton rocks out with the cock out. He puts on a great show so hopefully I'll get to see him again. So by this time tomorrow I won't even know my own name, hopefully!!! I'll take some pics of Big Elvis, he's a 600 lb Elvis impersonator I found on my last trip and I'm so going to see him again this time. I'll post them for your viewing pleasure.I'm getting up the nerve to go up by the stage and get my pic taken with him. I say up by the stage instead of on stage because he's so large he can't get up on stage he stands in front of it. Too freaking funny. I will also post the pic of my margarita tattoo as requested by Suzie. In case you have a hankering in the meantime for Vegas check out this Shamelessly Cheap Plug.

I'll be back on Tuesday with some drunken stories for you to laugh at & hopefully some good pics. The weather there is a mild 103 degrees to go up to 107. It's okay it's a dry heat. I just love when people tell me that. I'm like gee have you ever been there when it's 102 I have and you know what it's still freaking 102 degrees and that's damn hot.

Hopefully I won't melt or drink myself to death and I'll be back next Tuesday.

Me Me Me

2005-07-05T13:05:00.000-04:00

Well, True Jersey Girl said she may be sending some folks my way so I better damn well blog about something. She told me to keep is short not so sweet & make sure I make a point within a paragraph or so. If you read or have read any of my previous entries you will see I can't cut it short. I ramble. I do this in real life it's not just a blog thing. I love to talk & I talk really really fast to the point that people just stare at me completely dumfounded. And they are like " Whatchoo talking about Patsy?" And I'm like what the feck didn't you hear a word I said?

But I will tell you a few things about myself. I'm a 29ish single gal. Ok, so I've celebrated 29 a couple of times, I refuse to be 30 just yet. I'm very Jersey. Although my hair is flat now it used to be really big. I still do horrible things to it all the time. I will one day have to wear a wig because my hair will leave me. I still have my nails done & I won't do anything that will break them. I go to the tanning salon. I will one day be the old lady from There's Something about Mary.( All wrinkled & alligator like from tanning with a cocktail in hand.) Diddy is my man he's younger than me(yeah me) by 3 years. He seems to think he's like 10 years younger than me & my friends & always lets us know it. Diddy is short for his original nickname. P Diddy White Boy. When we met he thought he thought he was ghetto fabulous. Needless to say he grew up in a upper class super white neighborhood & has never even seen a ghetto. We met at True Jersey Girl's house. He's a friend of her hub. I hated diddy when I met him but he's adorable & he wore me down. I will one day blog about how we got together, it's actually hysterical. We just celebrated our 2 year anniversary in April. Diddy is the one. We're eventually going to buy a house together if we would stop being lazy & go house hunting. We will not be getting married anytime soon & no there will be no babies. Someone needs to tell Diddy's mom that. It won't be me.

Deb

is my best friend. Deb is not her real name it's her drinking name from the most quotable movie ever Hysterical Blindness that just stuck. Just as Patsy is not my real name. It's my drinking name inspired by

Ab Fab

We have had many drunken adventures together. The chronicles of Deb & Patsy. We complete each other. I told her that once in a bar in Nawlins. She had me at do you want another drink?

Now I realize that this site makes me sound like a person with a drinking problem. But I assure you I drink for fun. I'm a fun alcoholic. It doesn't interfere with my job. I pay my bills & function quite normally. I just like to drink. A lot. I love beer. I love margaritas. I love Mike's Hard Lime. Ok forget this I'm thirsty. I'm off this week and the blender is calling me. Cheers !

I have a serious issue

2005-06-30T01:12:00.000-04:00

I have a very serious phobia & living here in Jersey exasperates it. My phobia is very real & very serious. I have a phobia of Bon Jovi. I know. Do you realize how tough it is living in this state and trying to avoid Bon Jovi? And my best friend

Deb

is the biggest Jon Bon Jovi fan in all of this big haired state. So it's tough. She has invited me to go & see numerous concerts telling me I need to get over this whole strange issue. Well, for me it's not so strange. I'm going to tell you my story and then you decide.

Here in Jersey after you senior prom you head down the shore for the weekend to party. Depending on what town you live your entire class heads down to either Sleazside or Point Pleasant for the weekend. So of course my hometown being total white trash everyone there heads to Sleazside. So here we are 3 rooms for 25 people.Ah cozy. And 2 bathtubs full with beer & Boones Farm both apple & berry flavors. (This is a terrible cheap wine like drink probably as fancy as Thunderbird) Now at 17 down the shore for the weekend no one to answer to what do you do? I took illegal substances. Now this was a long time ago & I'm a responsible adult (haha) who just drinks now. But back in the day I did it all. I loved me some drugs. So I was on a mission to find acid. But all I could find was some mescaline. Which is like acid but in pill form and it's cut with some type of strychnine(poison) I believe it's rat posion. Yummy. Anywho. Me & this chick take it & start tripping a little while later. So I'm wandering around this seaside town with all kinds of freaks trying to pick me up & I'm out of my freaking mind. I actually threw up on some guy's shoes. He still tried to hit on me after that.(Loser) So somehow I found my way back to the hotel & I am so glad to be with people I know I make myself comfy. I went & hid under a chair on the floor in the corner. So as I'm laying there totally freaking out & trying to calm myself down in walks this rock & roll wannabe guy & he has a guitar. Oh No. I am now hanging onto this chair for dear life. He then decides he wants to play a song he is just learning & seems to think he has mastered. So it starts, the beginning guitar riff of Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi. He never actually played the whole song, not once. But he kept playing the beginnning over & over & over again. He then decided to start singing thinking he was something of a Jon Bon Jovi himself & it was quite horrific. But he never finished the whole song, I don't think he knew all the words. So he kept continuing on & on into the morning hours until we got thrown out at like 6am. We didn't get kicked out because of him, some guy was in our room & his girlfriend showed up & kicked our door in & proceeded to beat his ass. But still it was like 6am I have not slept in like 2 days & I'm just coming off the only bad trip of my life.
So now when I told Deb aka True Jersey about this story she thought perhaps due to be tripping out of my mind that this guy only played the song once & I heard it over & over. This is not the case, people that were in that room who were not on psychedelics heard what I heard. There are others who have been scarred just like me.

Now most of you know True will one day marry Jon Bon Jovi. What will I do when she marries a man whose music I can't bear to listen to? Should I tell him or should I pretend to like his music & humor him? This is all very tough. I mean true and I hang out alot so it will come up with Jon that his music haunts me & that everytime Wanted Dead or Alive comes on, I think about lying on that floor under that chair & I want nothing more than to jump out of the nearest window.

I think the lesson that I hope people learn from this is that drugs, guitars, wanna be rock & roll guys & Boones Farm don't mix. Oh yeah & that there are others just like me, probably everyone in that room that night who has a serious all be it insane fear of Bon Jovi.

Why I'm Blogging

2005-06-28T23:34:00.000-04:00

Ok ok. I don't know what was up with the last post. I guess I haven't had a drink since Saturday night & it's Tuesday so I'm getting silly, that's why I drew that crazy pig & told you my dark little piggie secrets.
Well, the reason I'm doing this whole blog thing is well mainly because I'm bored out of my fecking mind & I need something to amuse me & fill my time. I'll mostly post at night while the rest of the world is sleeping & I'm wide freaking awake. Damn you insomnia. And I must warn you I do ramble on & on. Just refer to my 1st ever post. That was supposed to be a quick synopsis & I meant to mention a few things & not go into detail about any 1 thing in particular. But I got started on freak show & F&A & I went off on a wild tangent. I work odd hours so when I come home no one is around most people are getting ready for bed. So over the years I've had to find things to do to amuse myself. For a while I had a fake profile on Match.com. I posted a pic of a midget girl & made myself out to sound like an insane dominatrix (ok that's pretty much the real me not a midget though) & I got hundreds of responses. I then started forwarding all the responses to my friends & the people at work for laughs. A friend & I used to go into Aol chat rooms with the sole purpose of making highly inappropriate comments in order to wreck the room. We would go in the private sex rooms. our favorite was "WET". We would wait until guys asked if we were wet & our stanadard repsonse was of course my dog just pissed all over me and I'm soaked. That usually ruined the mood and the room cleared. I recently discovered Tivo & now I must Tivo everything on tv & stay up until 5am watching every episode of CSI ever made. I love Nick from Vegas. Yummy. This year I found American Idol & Bo Bice & threw myself into that until I found out it was all fixed and now Bo is a disgrace in my eyes. So you see I need to blog. It will give me something to do. It will be something to keep me out of trouble.
Some people will best know me from my drunken guest post on http://truejerseygirl.blogspot.com/ . Please forgive me for that. It was a evening of much alcohol. I will live in infamy for that I guess. True has introduced me to the world of blogging and I have devoted some of my energy to it so I hope everyone appreciates it and visits me as often as they can to see what crazy stuff I'm up to.

Mr Pigglesworth

2005-06-28T23:16:00.000-04:00

This is Mr Pigglesworth. Apparently what he says about me is I'm a realist.I'm direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions. I'm emotional and naive, I care little for details and are a risk-taker.I'm secure, stubborn, and stick to my ideals. I am a good listener. You drew a large tail, WOW! I'm getting it good according to the pig. From this weird little drawing all I can tell about myself is that there was no artistic talent left in the gene pool by the time I showed up. I would have been better off drawing a stick pig. I do have a little stuffed pig I guess he was my inspiration. I think that says more about me than the drawing. I have a stuffed pig which I call Mr Pigglesworth and I just announced it to the world. I might as well tell you I have another pig called Tunia who I have conversations with. Oh boy. What am I thinking?

My 1st Post Ever,Well Aside from the Drunken Guest Post on True Jersey's Site

2005-06-27T23:29:00.000-04:00

Well, I'd just like to start my post off by saying that I attract freaks. I always have and probably always will. So you may read things in my blog that sound so outrageous you will be like yeah okay sure Patsy that really happened & then you will just think I must be drunk again. That may be the case I may be drunk but the freaks and all the insane things that happen to me are true. Just to fill you in on how weird things are my way I will talk about a few things. How many of you have ever met a man who has no nipples, sweat glands, hair or teeth? I venture to guess no one has except me.
It was a freezing cold January night long ago hanging with some friends looking for someone's apt to hang out at. So this one guy says I know somewhere but you have to promise not to laugh at the guy.So we figure this guy must be an ugly beast.No problem we're just hanging out at his house. So we get there and this thing answers the door. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. What stood before me was a man I think. There was something so odd about him I couldn't put my finger on it, then it dawned on me he has no nipples. He was standing in the door with jeans on and no shirt, nippleless. Oh boy & the freak show didn't stop there boys and girls. All the windows are wide open so it's freezing in his place, because he has no sweat glands he needs to be chilled at all times like a frozen pizza. So we enter his apt to see no furniture at all except for lawn furniture a tv & an old Atari game he found in the garbage. Upon closer inspection of our host I notice he is wearing a long dirty blonde wig. Not dirty blonde in the sense that the color is slighty darker than blonde, no I mean dirty as in not washed. On top of his dirty blonde wig is a rebel hat. Like a Civil War rebel hat. He must have felt weird with everyone staring at his chest and lack of nipples so he went in the other room to we assumed put on a shirt but no he returned to the room wearing about 40 chains around his neck with giant crosses on them to cover his chest. I still think a shirt would have been more appropriate attire but whatever. We were quite afraid to use his bathroom but we needed to go so what we found in there was well, it was disturbing. He had another wig a long brown curly wig. I assume he changed wigs depending on how he felt that day. The curly one was much more rock star-ish. He had women's makeup. Cover Girl cover up the liquid kind and looking at him again we realized he was wearing it. He had dentures. Yep freakshow had no teeth either. So what we learn about this guy is he has some type of rare genetic disease that affects his whole family. And he should not drink alcohol or do drugs because he takes numerous prescriptions. So of course the guy is drinking any kind of alcohol he can find and snorting anything he can get up his nose. He then whips out a pair of nunchucks the kind from karate movies and starts beating on himself with these things as he is trying to impress everyone with his ninja like moves. So eventually he has a seizure like episode and passes out on the living room floor in the middle of the lawn furniture. My friends and I are freaking out until we are told this is a regular occurrence. Freak Show then tries to get up and vomits on the rug. While throwing up his false teeth come out and land in the pile of puke. One guy runs in the bathroom and gets a tube of Crest toothpaste and squirts it in his wig as he proceeds to dance around the limp body of our wasted host. I had to beg him not to pull off the wig because I would have died from laughter. Well, freak show started to rouse and realizes he is the butt of all this laughter and attacks the first person he sees. My friend's cousin Phil who is the most timid of all creatures. Phil starts to cry as he is being mauled by this smelly nippleless no toothed freak. Freak show not realizing he has vomited up his teeth tries to bite Phil on the face only to gum him. At this point we could not take anymore. I can only handle so much before I lose my mind and this was that point. So we left vowing to never return to this bizarre den of oddity. Needless to say we returned religiously almost every weekend and some week nights. Phil never joined us again. There are many many more stories involving Freak Show his brother, his mom, and his gaggle of bizarre and geeky friends. Stay tuned for more about that.

I also believe this has never happened to any of you. I was dating this guy for like 7 years. And well I was moving because my mom decided to retire to Florida and basically tossed me on the curb. So my boyfriend asked if we could move in together. Sure splitting the rent was fine with me so we found a place and lived happily ever after for about 3 months before I decided I hated him. So here I am stuck with this guy, let's give him a name, I'll call him fat and annoying ( F&A) for short. So F&A is driving me up a wall so after about 9 months I tell him I want him out of the apt. He thinks I am joking. No no. To let him know how serious I am about him leaving I let him know I have no issue setting him on fire while he's sleeping and that he needs to go. So he slept on my couch for 3 months. I didn't want to call the cops because it was just so bizarre. So he lived in my apt gave money for rent and some bills (although he still owes me money fat jerk) and slept on the couch. I screamed and cursed at him everyday when are you going to leave, I hate you, I hope you die. And he would smile and go to sleep on the couch. So finally he decides to leave but didn't tell me what day. He figured he would be slick and move out while I wasn't home and take my stuff. So True Jersey Girl to the rescue finds out the dirt and lets me know so I could be home to make sure he didn't steal anything. So F & A moves out but I'm sure he made copies of my keys and to this very day I am positive he has been in my house. He has never taken anything except for balloons. My responsibility for True's baby shower was the balloons. I bought them Friday before I went to work. When I woke up Saturday morning some of them were missing. I believe it was the work of F & A. He has never taken anything else but I believe he has been here and moves stuff around and goes through my things. Everyone thinks I am insane but I'm sure of it.

These are just 2 of my stories. I have thousands more of them some even freakier. Well, maybe not freakier than the No-nippled guy. But still funny. So please keep coming back to hear what happens next in the insane life of Patsy

2005-06-01T23:29:00.000-04:00

My Alter Ego