Did you bitches miss me?

I heard a nasty rumor the other day that I was dead. I am here to dispell the myth and assure everyone I am still alive and kicking.

I have been crazy busy. Work is super super nuts. My crazy Chinese assistant lady was moved then fired. I got a new temp who tried to file a complaint on me with the HR dept saying I told him what to do and made him feel bad. He is no longer allowed in the building at the same time as me otherwise I may hurt him. I posted my resume on Monster.com and started interviewing for other positions. My boss found out and had his wife call me to beg me to stay. I've been friends with my boss for years and he stooped so low as to have his wife plead with me on his behalf. She told me if I quit her husband would jump out a window. He has now changed everyone's shifts in the office to accomodate me. So I may stay for a while.

We saw quite a few concerts this summer. Bamboozled, 30 Seconds to Mars, Bon Jovi, Pearl Jam, Cinderella, Poison, Godsmack, Rob Zombie, Shinedown.

This weekend we'll be down in Baltimore partying.

And in 2 weeks we leave for Amsterdam, Brussels, and Paris.

I've been busy planning planes, hotels, trains, itineraries, tours, sightseeing trips all for 7 people. If this trip sucks the big one it's on me I planned the damn thing. But I'm thinking legal pot, lots of yummy European beer, prostitutes, chocolates, waffles, and great friends equals tremendously good times.

A Bit of Advice

If you are ever going to slam into a concrete wall going about 65 mph make sure you're in a Volkswagen. I say this from personal experience. Diddy and I were on our way home from seeing 30 Seconds to Mars at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park,you've heard of the place it's where Bruce Springsteen played for years. Well, we got caught in a downpour going North on the Garden State Parkway going up the bridge to get back home. The car hydroplaned and diddy lost control. We were in the far left lane of a 5 lane highway and we did several 360's and slammed into the concrete divider. The car ended up sideways across the 2 far left lanes. Thankfully no one slammed into us. Of course the airbags deployed but we were able to walk away from the car without serious injuries. Some bruises, minor cuts and some really sore ribs. Diddy thanks the German folks for making the diddy ride so safe that even though it's completely totaled we are fine.

Oh yeah and the tow truck driver stole my camera. So if you ever get into an accident on the NJ Garden State Parkway or the NJ Turnpike be aware that the tow company who tows your car will steal everything they can get their hands on. That's so nice of them. I had the greatest pics of Jared Leto and his blue eye shadow on that camera. I elbowed my way up to the stage and had several hundred pics. Now some smelly tow truck driver who has no clue who Jared Leto is, has his pics. That sucks. I hope that tow truck driver slams into the same wall but in a Hyundai and is crushed to death upon impact.

I'm all growed up

I have done it. I have done the unthinkable. Diddy and I are now living together.

Believe me folks this is a huge huge deal for me. Yes I understand it's part of life and everyone moves in with someone, gets married & that kind of thing, it's a big commitment for everyone. But for me to make a commitment is a big freaking deal. I can commit to putting permanent ink on my body, I can commit to killing my liver but committing to a serious relationship well I've never really done that before. I usually start getting hives whenever a boyfriend starts mentioning, living together, marriage, kids. Yep I am the exception to the female rule. I don't want to get married or have kids.

Oh yeah there was that time I did live with my fat & annoying ex-boyfriend for about 6 months before I threatened to set him on fire & kicked him out. He slept on my couch for like 3 months. But that wasn't serious it was quite comical.

Now diddy gets to see the real me. The crazy me that cleans until 4am, the crazy me that starts cooking huge meals for tomorrow's lunch and dinner at midnight, the crazy me that paints my porch at 2am because the paint was looking a bit blah. Now he must learn to love me for all my insanity. Ok ok so he already knew I was insane. You can't hide insanity forever.

So this is it. Patsy is all growed up now. Nah not really.

Oh wait did I mention I stopped drinking. Serious. I haven't had a drink in over 3 weeks. I have realized the errors of my ways. I found god and she said I shouldn't poison my liver any longer. Nah fuck that shit. I realized when I could no longer fit in any of my clothes, it was time to get serious. I have not given up drinking for good no no let's not be silly people. I have just stayed away from the empty calories of alcohol, began drinking water non-stop, cut out fast food, soda and late night eating when I come home from work. I throw some salad and fruit into my diet and presto I fit back into my clothes. But I have vowed now to stop there. I have always been much thinner than I am now so I'm going to continue the good eating habits and slowly work alcohol back into the mix. I mean really who could give up drinking in the summer. All the barbecues and concerts coming up, it's my duty to drink.

So you're all caught up. That's what's going on people.

Noise noise noise, smoking weed, smoking weed, doing coke, drinking beers, drinking beers beers beers

Nope I'm not dead. I'm still alive, barely. I'm busy at work and all my free time is spent drinking and planning my vacations for the year. We had to change our Chicago trip to August since my sister will be visiting over 4th of July. But our other vacation, our pot smoking all out get wasted trip this fall is still on. Right now it's the 5 of us. Me, diddy, True Jersey Girl her hub and J( the guy with the puke in his goatee). The merry lads may join us as well. We'll be hitting Amsterdam, Brussels and Paris. If you've been to any of these places feel free to throw out suggestions. They are greatly appreciated. And if you have any tips on which coffee houses are the best, DO TELL.

Here We Go Again

This was the longest fecking week ever! Thank goodness work is done,I can sit & relax,have a tasty beverage & blog. Let's see I actually got some stuff done this week. I got my nails done, I got a haircut which was so needed & I got my car washed. This sounds small but my lovely car had not been washed since October. Yeah it was nasty. The final straw was when there was a nacho stuck to my hood. Yeah a nacho, not a leaf not a dead bug but a nacho. How is that even possible?

This week Diddy's mom is back to pissing me off. The company I work for is very big in this area so pretty much everyone knows someone at my job. So diddy's mom goes out of her way to find people who know someone at my job just to ask if they know me. I have already told her I really don't appreciate her going up to people asking about me because I don't want freaks coming up to me at work.

Well, this week she strikes again. The other day some dirty long haired creepy boiler room dweller comes into my office. Ewww. I'm like yeah can I help you. He asked does your boyfriend's mom work at such & such a place. Here we go. I'm like umm sorry no. He's like are you sure because my wife works there & she had lunch with a friend & someone from another dept was at the table & our company came up & you have the same name & fit the description. Great. Now it's not like I think my life is so important that no one can know anything about it but I don't think it's diddy's mom's job to inform people about my life. I'm not friendly with this person at work for a reason. I don't want to be bothered. This is the problem she has a big mouth & loves to tell people everyone else's business. If I want people to know things about me they are people I'm friendly with & I tell them what I want them to know. Now there is some creepy maintenance guy who probably knows way too much about me thanks to diddy's mom.

I know I sound like a total bitch but you have to understand I don't really bother with anyone from my job. Yeah I bullshit with my guys & joke around but outside of work I don't associate with any of them. Because when things get back to work certain people try to use it against you. And people at my job, not in my dept, are total douchebags. I'm a female management person in a male dominated company mainly composed of union people. People are dying to get dirt on me so they can use it against me in a union hearing or when I have a problem with an employee & they want the issue to go away. Getting dirt on me is a bargaining chip & I'm not about to provide it to anybody. And now there is probably a whole dept that has a full dossier on me.

One night of no sleep and a wicked hangover

Well, a weekend of drinking with friends could not have come at a better time. I was feeling shitty last week and was just letting everything go to hell. Then came St Patty's Day, I came home from work put my jammies on and got hammered. I woke up watched some tv, showered got dressed and headed over to True Jersey's house for a night of drink. We started around 6:30pm or so with the intention of having an early night. Why does this never work for us? Fast forward to 6:30am we're all still sitting at her bar drinking,laughing and bullshitting. Good fucking times. Oh yeah then fast forward again to 8am diddy and I sitting at a booth at the IHOP and I almost threw up on the table. With the whole missed night of sleep I ended up napping for 3 hours and had a wicked hangover that lasted until Monday. But it was so worth it.

We all discussed our trip to Europe in the fall. And it's now most definitely Amsterdam, Brussels( the city of beer) and Paris. True Jersey, her hub, diddy and I are going no matter what. Our friend J, who puked in his goatee at the Mellencamp show, has committed to going and he commits to nothing. Even the gays who are way too cool to travel with us are seriously considering the trip. And we pretty much all have agreed to smoke lots of pot. Then came the topic of shrooms. I like me some shrooms, but shrooms in a foreign country, I'll have to think about that some more. I have never really thought about going to Paris before it was always yeah it looks nice but I have no desire to go there. Now I'm super psyched about visiting there. One of the hotels we are looking at is 4 blocks from the Eiffel Tower. How awesome is that to get up look out your window and see that view. I am now totally into this trip. I cannot wait.

I have also almost convinced diddy that we need to go somewhere for our next vacation together in July. I just can't stay home on vacation I must travel. I originally thought San Antonio, but way too freaking hot. San Diego, ehh not so sure. Seattle nah I'm saving that for next year because I want to do the Alaskan cruise and I want to stay in Seattle a night or so then go to Vancouver and take the cruise from there. So where else is there to go. Someplace really cool that diddy and I both want to go to but have never been. Ah Chicago. It was so easy to convince him we need to go there and hang out for like 5 days. So now I will plan a trip to Chicago for the 4th of July week and finish planning our European drunken freak fest.

Now traveling is totally awesome and all. But getting to travel to really great places with your friends and having great times is what it's all about. I am beginning to come out of my funk by putting my energy into planning drinking vacations. Maybe this is what I should do with my life, I should start an online travel group where I only plan drunken vacations for people. If you plan on staying sober go to Expedia but if you want to puke in 7 different countries in 7 days call Patsy.

I'm in a Funk

God I feel so well just blah lately. I have no desire to do anything at all. I'm usually a cleaning Nazi. Everything is scrubbed, orderly and perfect around my place. Not so much this week.

For instance we went down to Atlantic City to see Nine Inch Nails last weekend, well all the clothes I brought with me are still sitting in and around my overnight bag. Clothes are strewn all over my dressing room, things hanging out of the hamper. No laundry done this week at all. All my travel products are laying on the floor and all over my vanity. Ah my kitchen yikes. Dirty dishes piled up in the sink. Clean dishes washed last week still piled high in the dish drainer yet to be put away. My computer room has empty boxes from my catalog shopping all over the floor. The clock in here says it's 4:15 it's 10:30 I don't even feel like changing the damn battery and it's been like this all week. Tons of catalogs are piled on my desk and kitchen table. Mail still sitting from last week yet to be opened. Ed McMahon may owe me a Million $ and I don't even know it. I don't even care. I've been late for work everyday this week. Not just like 5 minutes late I'm talking 45 minutes or so everyday. I get out of bed and accomplish nothing all morning and I still I can't manage to get to work by 2pm. I was supposed to go to the doctor, get a haircut and get a manicure and pedicure this week. I've done none of these things. I should do laundry tomorrow but screw it I have enough clean undies to last another week. And besides my laundry bags are still filled with clean clothes I haven't put away from last week. I was supposed to start my diet this week. Argh who can diet when they are in a lazy funk. I would have no will power or desire to eat right. Geez exercise is truly out of the question. I'm pooped from just writing this damn post.

Any advice folks? What do you guys do when the world has you beat and you need to get up?